Still hearty at 67, there's not much beyond our Ken

Remember Ken Hale? Remember all those ruddy-cheeked headlines about Hale and hearty? "Oh aye," he says, "I wouldn't mind a pound for every time I've read that one."

Born in Blyth, he scored 15 goals in 30 Football league appearances for Newcastle United, was somewhat aggrieved when Joe Harvey sent him to Coventry - "He told me they were interested, anyway, didn't seem to want to stop me" - became caretaker manager at Darlington and, from 1974-76, manager of Hartlepool United.

It was on the parade ground, however, that he managed best of all. Like former Darlington and District League cricketer John Laundy (Backtrack, November 7), Ken was in the 4th Battalion RAOC team which won the much-coveted Army Cup in 1962.

After that, a cushy billet just got cushier. "You were always treated well if you were in the football team. You could maybe have a lie in, run a couple of miles before breakfast, ask for extra sausages or anything you wanted.

"After we won the Army Cup, we beat the French and Belgian army champions and Colonel Mitchell told us we were going abroad.

"We thought it would maybe be to Germany or somewhere, but we spent eight weeks in the Far East - Hong Kong, Malaya, Thailand - just playing football. It was a pretty canny way to be a soldier."

Now 67, Ken was also in the high jump and 4x440 relay squads, got home to play for Newcastle most weekends, thoroughly enjoyed himself.

In two years' National Service, the closest he got to front-line action was from the general vicinity of outside left.

Team-mates in the RAOC included Gerry Baker, who made 214 appearances for York City, Reg Matthewson, whose lengthy Football League career was mainly with Sheffield United, and John Nibloe, who'd played for four league clubs when killed in a car accident on the way back to base.

Ken went from Coventry to Oxford, hit 28 goals in 188 appearances for Darlington, became caretaker boss early in 1972, under a chairman called George Tait, a Newcastle carpet dealer.

When former Sunderland winger George Mulhall offered a player coach's job at Halifax, he leapt at the chance. "Mr Tait," he recalls, "could be a bit difficult at times."

In two full seasons at the Victoria Ground, he steered Hartlepool to the last 16 of the League Cup, Malcolm Moore's goal earning a replay at Villa Park. Pools lost 6-1.

The following season they reached the FA Cup third round, going down 6-0 at Manchester City in a match which featured a clash between Dennis Tueart of City and Hartlepool's George Potter. Both were sent off, Potter departing on a stretcher and with a broken cheek bone.

"Crikey it was hard at Hartlepool," Ken recalls. "There was no money to buy players and not much to pay them.

"The directors were delighted with the Cup runs because there were quite a few replays and you shared the gates, but the main thing was that we didn't finish in the bottom four." Nor did they, 13th and 14th.

He became a newsagent in Sunderland - "I didn't mind the early mornings, all that hard Army life, I suppose" - still lives in Seaburn, watches most of his football on television.

Hale and hearty? "Oh aye," says the man who won the Army game, "there's a good few years in me yet."

Arthur Willoughby, of whom it was said that he smuggled food on to the cricket field beneath his cap - but only because his pockets were already overflowing with nibbles, was honoured on Saturday night for his 42-year playing career with Mainsforth Cricket Club. It continues in the Spring.

"With professional clubs you get a benefit every ten years. Arthur would be coming up to his fifth," said Mainsforth chairman Tom Stoddart.

The do was at the Legion club in Ferryhill Station, barely a straight bat away from where Arthur - Crag Lad, as they say in those parts - first played cricket among the Linden Terrace dustbins.

"He's the most amazingly loyal man I've ever known, but these days he's a bit selective about when he plays," said opening colleague John Irvine.

"If we ring to ask if he's available for the first team, he'll first of all ask where the match is, to check if it's a good tea."

Arthur, who now lives in Durham, received his carriage clock most gratefully. "You don't have a pie as well, have you?" he said.

Invited to present the awards and to make a few characteristically economical observations, the column recalled a rich melody of Mainsforth characters.

There was Tommy Birtle, who in 1955 took 4-0 in the first four overs of the Tom Burn Cup final and went on to play for Nottinghamshire; Eddie Gratton, the singing spinner; Len Walker, who scored five by hitting a dog and went on to manage Darlington FC.

There was Peter Malkin, given a zimmer frame when he retired from the Over 40s football league, John Irvine - now around 60 and with a first home century to his credit last season - Kenny Evans and Shaun Poulter, who in 1991 topped 200 for the third wicket to beat Wolviston in the Village Cup.

There was also Barfy Richardson, now running a pub in West Cornforth, who after the 1993 Village Cup game at Liverton Mines complained that he'd been distracted by the woman sunbathing topless beyond the boundary.

Tom Stoddart remembered it, too. "We had four men fielding at third man," he said. "Is it any wonder we lost?"

The best Mainsforth story, however, concerns two of Backtrack's oldest friends - Ian "Boss Hogg" Hawley, better remembered at Crook, and the late lamented Harry Dobinson, Mayor of Hunwick.

Boss, all 25 stones of him, was batting for Mainsforth. Harry, ten stones wet through and recovering from a heart bypass, was umpiring - but no longer standing, after Boss was in collision with him while completing a comparatively quick single.

It was 1997. "The scene was like something from a Tom and Jerry cartoon," we recorded.

Harry finally tottered to his feet, dusted himself down and turned to his super-sized assassin. "Are you all right, Boss?" he said.

Shock news from the World Skilful Dominoes Championship - Kevin McCormick, Crook bookie and reigning champion, lost in a qualifying round tie-breaker at the weekend to Stuart Balmer. "Kevin relinquished his title very reluctantly," we're told.

Stuart joins John Clarke, Lol Cullinan and Billy Lawton - plus four from the earlier qualifying heats - in the finals, at Tow Law FC on November 24. Backtrack, of course, still has its feet under the table, too.

Following last Friday's column on some lessons from the poker school, Gordon Thubron in Newton Aycliffe risks the story of Madonna and the Queen arriving simultaneously at the Pearly Gates. St Peter says there's only room for one.

Madonna's emphasising her best bits; St Peter's quite impressed. The Queen merely takes a sip of water, spits it down the loo and pulls the handle.

Peter announces that the Queen will be admitted, Madonna demands to know why. "Everyone knows," says the Guardian of the Gate, "a royal flush beats a pair every time."

the England football captain with the middle names "Frederick Chelsea" (Backtrack, November 10) was Bobby Moore.

Don Clarke in South Shields today invites readers to name seven fathers who've picked their own sons for games in the Premiership.

More family entertainment, the column returns on Friday.