A day behind the scenes at St James’ Park might not turn you into a Premier League player, but it’s got to be right up there in the first division of great gifts for fans, says Joe Willis.

I’M not going to say it was the best day of my life – I’m a married father-of-one.

But what a day it was! From watching the 5-1 demolition of Sunderland on a flat screen TV over breakfast to hobbling back to the car clutching a signed picture and a gift at the end of a day at the home of Newcastle United, I never stopped smiling.

It was billed as an Ultimate St James’ Park Experience Day and it could barely have been any better had I scored a hat-trick at the Gallowgate End or got drunk with Alan Shearer in his executive box – otherwise known as “Wor Box”.

Halfway through a breakfast of healthy turkey sausages, eggs, beans and toast, the legends walked in. John Beresford and Rob Lee. I knew there might be Bez… but Rob Lee as well!

Legends indeed.

Breakfast over, we headed to the Longbenton academy for our training session.

I was nervous. I’m 34 and have struggled to get in the village pub team for the past couple of years, but a man never quite loses the thought that they could have been a contender, or at least done the job for a lower league team, even if that job was stadium steward.

What if there were scouts there?

“Joe, we’ve got Barton and Tiote suspended, Guthrie’s just coming back from injury and Smith has picked up a knock. Do you think you can get out of the kids’ swimming lessons on Saturday and play centre mid?”

With that in mind, I had the cleanest kit, the shiniest boots (apart from the bloke who had obviously bought a pair the previous day) and was one very eager-beaver.

Training passed in a blur. Bez said they would be treating us as if we were professionals the minute we got off the bus, although he did urge anyone with a heart complaint to take it easy.

And it did feel like we were being pushed.

After the warm-up, I buddied up with Gary, a plasterer from Rutland.

We passed the ball between us and all went fairly smoothly.

I was then paired with Rob.

Maybe it was my nerves at partnering a man who played 22 times for England, but things went downhill very quickly. I still wince when I remember how I fell over while trying to pass with my left foot, rather than my right.

Shooting practice was no better. I’m a battling midfielder not known for his goal-scoring, but that was no excuse for my pitiful attempts.

I had to fetch one shot from the next-door playing field, for heaven’s sake. Another barely reached the goal mouth.

But it wasn’t the practice I was there for. I was there to play. (Was I wrong to wear shin pads for the seven-a-side? Perhaps, but I wasn’t the only one.) My aim to make up in aggression and enthusiasm what I lacked in skill probably summarises all that is wrong with British football, but I didn’t care. The chance to play alongside a couple of Keegan’s entertainers doesn’t come along every day and I was determined to give it everything.

I was on Rob’s team and I stuck as close to the former midfielder as was polite, collecting the ball from him and trying to impress him by pinging head-high 20-yard passes in the general direction of my unwitting team-mates.

The result? We won what was a very competitive game by the odd goal, thanks in main to Gary, who bagged a hat-trick.

It is worth pointing out that football skills are not essential for the day.

A couple of the 13 who attended watched the training and game from the sidelines, and I’m sure they still had a great time.

Back at St James’ Park, we discussed the game over a three-course lunch and a beer. This was probably the best part of the day. Both players were great company and more than happy to answer questions and talk about their time at Newcastle. Tales of gambling debts, nightclub fights and training spats were lapped up. Former players were rated, opinions were offered on the current squad and memorable moments were relived.

After lunch, the legends said goodbye and we set off on a guided tour of the stadium. I have been to St James’ Park numerous times as a fan, but to be in the dressing rooms where many of the world’s best players had come in and kicked the door, got a rollicking from the manager or celebrated a win was very special.

Ultimate is a big word, but if you’re a Newcastle fan it’s an entirely appropriate description for a day like this. It made you feel like a little boy again.

Driving home I still didn’t feel like a Premier League star – mainly because I was travelling in a Peugeot 106 with a broken heater and a slow puncture – but I did feel better qualified to dream.

■ The Ultimate St James’ Experience Day costs £295 per person or £395 for two people.

Call 0191-201-8525 for details.