Show time

THE Royals must have been glad to take their seats at the London Palladium for the show after the little problem they encountered en route. I mean, having your car attacked by rioting students isn’t the best way to start a night out on the town.

Having to suffer – sorry, watch – The Royal Variety Performance must have been a relief for Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall after being menaced by common folk.

As usual, the show features a glittering selection of faces from the worlds of comedy, theatre, music, dance and cinema – all of whom want to entertain the Royals rather than dethrone them.

But it’s all for a good cause – the show raises money for charity – so perhaps we shouldn’t complain.

The first Royal Variety Performance took place on July 1, 1912, before King George V and Queen Mary. Afterwards, the King said he would attend an annual variety event provided the profits went to the Variety Artistes Benevolent Fund.

Now renamed the Entertainment Artistes Benevolent Fund, it has enjoyed royal patronage ever since.

Unfortunately, the event didn’t take place for 16 years due to the world wars and various periods of royal mourning, which makes this the 80th concert.

Presenting the 2010 show is Michael McIntyre who, at 34, is the youngest-ever Royal Variety host.

He got his big break at the Royal Variety in 2006 and returned in 2008. “The Queen and Prince Charles alternate their attendance,” he explains. “This year, and on both of my previous appearances, I will be performing for Prince Charles. I can’t wait to entertain him for a third time, although it does seem obvious that the Queen is avoiding me.”

Among the highlights we can expect this year are performances by the reformed Take That, Cheryl Cole and NDubz.

Comedy comes from John Bishop, Sarah Millican, Jack Whitehall, and Micky Flanagan.

Tenor Russell Watson is promising a powerhouse rendition of Parla Piu Piano, better known as the love theme from The Godfather, and the Chelsea Pensioners reveal their heart-warming version of If You Were the Only (Girl in the World).

And we mustn’t forget Spelbound who, of course, won their spot on the show by winning this year’s Britain’s Got Talent on ITV.

ARED-CHECKED shirt with a green striped tie – only somebody as involved in his work as Dirk Gently could get his fashions so mismatched.

And now Douglas Adams’ holistic detective, adapted from the books Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, comes to the small screen.

Stephen Mangan is stepping into the detective’s long coat to focus on the inter-connectedness of all things with his eccentric outlook on the world, and no doubt running up obscene expenses in getting to the very bottom of each case.

In this one-off episode, an investigation into the mystery of a missing cat is found to be linked to a chance encounter with an old friend, an explosion in a warehouse, a missing billionaire and a plate of biscuits.

Darren Boyd, Helen Baxendale and Jason Watkins also star.

LAST week in The House That Made Me, Boy George took a walk down memory lane. Now it’s comedian and entertainer Michael Barrymore’s turn to revisit his childhood as this revelatory series continues.

Born Michael Parker, he grew up in the Sixties on a council estate in Bermondsey, south London.

The programme follows him as he returns to his old stomping grounds for the first time in 35 years. While his former home was recently demolished, he visits a painstakingly detailed recreation in an adjacent block of flats.

The comedian reveals that while he was under pressure to conform to the estate’s norms and rules, he dreamt of being rich, famous and open about his sexuality.

Barrymore speaks to former school friends, neighbours and colleagues from his early days in showbusiness, and begins to deal with long-forgotten feelings about his teenage years, the violence in his family home and his attempts to fit in.