Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be a fan, Paris Hilton still is and Ashley Cole has a mini-one. Hummers are huge in both senses of the word. But are they any good on Yorkshire mud? Joe Willis finds out.

AS a rule, farmers do baler twine and wellies, not bling. But what if one of the region’s farmers did want to go a bit ‘gangsta’ and couldn’t find the time to pimp up his existing ride – more often than not a Land-Rover Defender. What would he choose?

How about a Hummer?

Okay, the vehicle has had some bad press in recent years, particularly from environmentalists who question its green credentials. None of the three main models do more than 20mpg and the colossal H1 reportedly does less than 10mpg.

Schwarzenegger, the man who originally persuaded General Motors to make a civilian version of the military Humvee after seeing a convoy of the vehicles while filming Kindergarten Cop, has got rid of his fleet after becoming an unlikely green campaigner.

Road safety officials are also less than keen. They claim that while the vehicles offer only moderate protection for their occupants in a crash, if you are unlucky enough to be hit by a Hummer, you are likely to need medical assistance of the urgent kind.

The Hummer, the ultimate symbol of American power and influence, could soon not even be built in the US as the brand has just been bought by a Chinese company.

But for a farmer who wants to stand out at the auction mart, a Hummer could well fit the bill. Craig Elsworth, director of Yorkshire 4x4, based near Thirsk, in North Yorkshire, is very confident of his Hummer H3’s off-road capabilities and believes it can do anything other off-roaders can.

THE H3 is the baby of the Hummer stable, weighing a mere two tonnes and measuring just four metres long. It is still hard, though, not to be impressed by its size and presence.

Hummers may be huge, but there is still beauty in those angular features.

Like the Ford Capri and the Volkswagen Passat, they have the look of a vehicle a little boy might sketch during free drawing time at school.

At first, the proportions seem all wrong: the windows too small, the wheels too big and the distance from the chassis to the ground too great.

But then your eyes become accustomed to the dimensions and it seems to work.

Inside, the cab has none of the minimalism of the older Defenders.

This is a luxury 4x4, rather than a trusty workhorse. The H3 starts with a key, rather than the fire button which featured in the original design.

Apparently, GM’s lawyers vetoed the idea at the last minute.

Turning the key, you hope for a roar, but are greeted with a barely audible hum.

Craig reckons that one of the secrets to off-road driving is avoiding use of the brakes. Another is the smooth delivery of the power.

He also says I will find it difficult to know which way the wheels are pointing. And he’s dead right. Slip sliding over a muddy rutted track, I rarely have a clue which direction I’m heading.

Only by leaning out of the window and looking down, can Craig tell for sure I’m not about to prang his pride and joy into a tree.

“More right hand-side,” he says as we veer off-course.

“Right, right, right,” he adds moments later as we slide towards the hedge.

After a few minutes of slipping our way around the course, we approach what looks like a cliff edge. Because of the tiny windscreen and high front end, it’s impossible to tell that this is just a very steep bank until we are about to plummet downwards.

If vehicles were meant to descend hills this steep, they would have parachutes. Or I would at least be allowed to use the brakes.

Craig just says I should trust the Hummer.

“Keep the wheels pointing forward and everything will be okay,” he says.

He’s right, of course. The vehicle plods effortlessly downwards and we arrive at the bottom intact.

The next obstacle is the water splash – or lake, as people with a better sense of proportion might call it.

But again the Hummer copes with aplomb. As instructed, I put my foot down just a little to create a bow wave and we are out the other side in no time.

Back on dry land, Craig asks if I’m sure I “haven’t done this before”.

I am sure – sure he was just being nice, but I appreciated the sentiment all the same.

In summary, farmers considering splashing out on a Hummer can rest assured it can probably go anywhere the old Landy does, although whether you would want to mess up the black leather interior with a clarty old sheepdog and a bale of hay is another matter.

■ Off-roading in the Hummer is just one of several fun things to do at Yorkshire 4x4. The company offers quad-biking, archery, shooting and other outdoor pursuits. The centre also works with Ripon company Advanced Driving Techniques to give expert tuition in on-road driving.

Among its customers are hen and stag parties, individuals and corporate clients. For more details, visit yorkshire4x4.co