Boys'll be boys

AT first, I thought The Dangerous School For Boys would be about a crime-ridden, inner-city sink school, writes Owen Amos.

But, it turns out, the featured institute isn't dangerous in a "Stabbings-Every-Day" way. It's dangerous in a "It-Makes-The-Pupils-Morris-Dance" way.

Chavagnes International College is an English boarding school for boys, based near Nantes, in France. It was founded by Ferdi McDermott, 35, who wants to establish a school for "Catholic heroes". "Like Eton before the Reformation," he says. Without jest.

Fees are £9,000 a year, which, apparently, is cheap for boarding school. For that, pupils learn to chant like monks, kill rabbits and hunt. What a bargain.

The one-off documentary - which is terrific - begins with two pupils, Francis and David, at home in King's Lynn, Norfolk. They are shown packing the boarding school essentials: clothes, books, and pea shooters. They still exist, apparently.

Francis, ten, has recently been mugged in King's Lynn. Which isn't surprising really.

Mugger: "Give us your iPod."

Francis: "Buzz off you rotter, or I'll slay you with my pea shooter!"

Chavagnes needs 50 pupils to break even, but has only 30. They might get more if they improve the breakfasts.

It wouldn't be unreasonable, in France, to expect some fresh bread and cooked meat. A croissant with jam, perhaps. Maybe even a crepe.

Alas, all Ferdi can offer is... "Prayer and ritual". I'd rather a pain au chocolat, if that's alright.

All electrical equipment is banned during the week, which means the boys must hand in their iPods, phones, and CD players. The headteacher, Tom, is particularly baffled by one new-fangled device.

They turn out to be headphones. What will they invent next, hey Tom?

Certain types of music, including hip-hop and dance, are also banned. Thankfully, Gregorian chanting is allowed. I must get an invitation to the Chavagnes end-of-term dance.

The documentary's most memorable scene is when Ferdi teaches the boys that essential 21st Century skill - killing a rabbit. I can just imagine a Chavagnes graduate at a job interview.

Interviewer: "What skills can you bring to this company?"

Boy: "I know the best way to slit a rabbit's throat."

Interviewer: "Right..."

Boy: "But that's not all. I can also chant like a nineth Century monk."

As Ferdi whacks the poor creature with an axe, the boys - who still, naively, have child-like innocence - plead with him to stop. One even offers to buy the rabbit.

But Ferdi is adamant. "There's not a great big rabbit in the sky passing judgement," he says. With fingers crossed, I imagine.

Most schools' end-of-term trip is to a theme park, or, at worst, a museum. Chavagnes, on the other hand, take their pupils to hunt and kill wild animals. To be fair, Euro Disney is very busy this time of year.

Poor Ferdi - who, actually, comes across as very likable - seems petrified by reality. Take, for example, his response when asked if masturbation is banned.

"Masturbation is not like food," he says. "You don't need it to live." I fancy 30 adolescent pupils disagree.

Ferdi, you will not be surprised to hear, is unmarried and lives at the school with his mother. She features in the show when Francis, from King's Lynn, attacks her with a ball-point pen. He must have run out of peas.

The Dangerous School For Boys is not the only programme to look nostalgically at childhood. On BBC2, Ian Hislop examines Baden Powell's 1908 handbook, Scouting For Boys.

The result is terrific, but I spent most of the time concentrating on Hislop's hairline. It really is remarkable: full coverage at the front, yet none at the back. He's like footballer Zinedine Zidane, but without the temper.

When I was listening, Hislop explored how the handbook helped tackle social issues of the day, such as youth responsibility and citizenship.

There is doubtless a copy by Ferdi's bedside. It's just a shame Powell wasn't a bigger fan of Gregorian chanting.