Rugby players, fresh from showering, drop their towels and begin examining their genitals. A woman removes her bra to reveal her inverted nipples. And Nick's trousers are pulled down so we can see his piles.

C4's response to the NHS crisis is to open its own clinic for Embarrassing Illnesses - EI - and viewers seem remarkably willing to share their aches and pains. "No matter how smelly, how pusy, how sore, get it out and we can fix it," promises Dr Dawn Harper.

The approach is jovial with lots of jokey wordplay, so a woman with excessive gas is described as coming up trumps and Nick's piles are a pain in the backside.

Lots of facts are bandied about too - 50 per cent of us will suffer from piles, one in five has athlete's foot, and one in ten women have inverted nipples.

By the way ladies, it's also possible to overwash your vagina. I don't expect that to worry me, but Dr Christian Jessen has advice for men on checking for testicular cancer.

He tells a team of naked rugby players: "I'm going to talk to you about your balls," and demonstrates on a volunteer how to inspect them. Before you can say "up and under", they all have their privates on parade for examination.

I haven't seen so many balls on TV since Saturday's Lottery draw. A giant sperm running along the Newcastle Quayside isn't a familiar sight either. The Great Sperm Crisis also brings humour - comedian Danny Robins is the spunky presenter - to a serious medical matter. Since a recent change in the law, donors no longer have the right to anonymity and that's made men more reluctant to donate.

Robins, carrying a tray of sperm specimens he'd collected on his Give A Toss For Britain nationwide tour, ambushed public health minister Caroline Flint in search of an official comment after being refused an interview. Robins' methods are unorthodox, as he tours the country in his sperm wagon on a mission to increase the number of donors as Britain has only half the number needed.

He sets up a donation booth outside Parliament as he wants Labour MPs, who voted in the new measures, to lend a hand. Robins is offered a guide. "I don't mind how you do it as long as you get the sperm in the specimen pot," the nurse tells him.

This is easier said than done. "How do you hold porn, penis and pot with only two hands," he asks. It seems you need a friend to lend a hand. One young chap in Newcastle took his girlfriend into the sperm wagon to ensure success. Even a phone call from his boss didn't put him off his stroke.

The new law applies to frozen sperm, so companies can supply fresh sperm and donors still remain anonymous. Robins was worried these donations aren't 100 per cent disease-free.

These days we can talk about such intimate matters. Lord Baden-Powell was censored when he wrote his influential tome Scouting For Boys, Ian Hislop reveals in his documentary.

Promoting a healthy mind and body, he felt it was essential to keep your blood healthy and clean by breathing in lots of fresh air and by clearing out all dirty matter inside your stomach. Any problems, he wrote, and boys should drink lots of water.

This was okay, but the publisher rejected Baden-Powell's thoughts on self-abuse, despite the awful repercussions of too much dib, dib, dibbing in genital area. As a warning to any young lads reading this, I should tell you that, after a time, you will become weak, nervous and shy. You will get headaches and probably palpitations of the heart.

"And, if he carries on too far, very often goes out of his mind and he becomes an idiot," concluded Baden-Powell. This explains a lot about some people I know.