When Will I Be Famous? (BBC1); Rough Diamond (BBC1); Louis Theroux: Gambling In Las Vegas (BBC2): Variety isn't dead, but sensible Saturday night television is.

Could I really be watching the final of a competition between Bruce Airhead, the human balloon ("one man, one balloon, a lot of lubrication") and Chandi the dancing dog?

Even more worrying than Stephen Gateley on skates in Dancing On Ice over on ITV1, Graham Norton's search for gainful employment on the BBC saw him presenting When Will I Be Famous? in which variety acts competed for £10,000.

That'll buy a lot of dog biscuits for winner Chandi who, with owner Tina, did a dance routine. Very good it was too with niftier footwork than Mark Ramprakash on Strictly Come Dancing.

At least, Tina and Chandi's act bordered on the entertaining. Which is more than can be said for the all-male judging panel of silver-haired experts who were far too nice to people and dogs. I wanted a Simon Cowell-like party pooper dishing out cheap insults.

The competition was varied if not exciting - a ventriloquist with a couple of birds (whose lip synch act was original, if limited), a man who played the spoons on his teeth, a magician and a singing child. The latter was beaten in the head-to-head with the dancing dog, which says something about the British public, who were doing the voting. Give them a canine Fred Astaire over a child star any time.

The best thing about BBC1's latest Sunday evening drama-for-all-the-family series was also the animals. The horsey stars emoted much more effectively than actors saddled with a cliche-strewn script.

Aidan Docherty is persuaded not to sell the family stables after the appearance of a colt with "plenty of spirit" and a long-lost son with a northern accent who turns up out of the blue.

He seems more affectionate to the horse than the boy, and meaningful glances between him and the lady vet indicate that it won't only be the horses getting steamy after a good gallop.

She's married to Aidan's rival, a chap who walks around dressed in a pin-striped suit and pink shirt and tie, which hardly seems appropriate wear for mucking out the stables.

Aidan is given to saying philosophical things like, "Whatever it is I had, I don't have any more", while the boy rides the stroppy horse and the Big Bad Villain is told, "Get the hell off my land".

Rough Diamond passes an hour pleasantly enough, thanks to the equine stars and gorgeous Irish scenery that should please the tourist board.

Louis Theroux: Gambling In Las Vegas wasn't vintage Theroux. He never really found quirky enough characters on which to practise his brand of laid-back, sardonic observation. We've seen too many programmes on gamblers, including one the other week on C4 with Hardeep Singh Kohli that was rather better than this. Theroux left the casino a winner, after gambling with his own money - he didn't want us to think he was risking our BBC licence fee.

He discovered that the hotel gives spacious suites free-of-charge to regular high-rollers, knowing that they'll lose enough in the casino to more than cover the cost.

He was introduced by Martha, who plays the slots every day and has lost $4m in seven years. Well, it keeps her off the streets, I suppose.