The 12 per cent proof of the pudding

Barley wine is said to have been around since the 18th century, when England was usually at war with France and the upper classes thought it their patriotic duty to eschew claret in favour of something - as it were - home-brewed.

Hence, presumably, the phrase about drinking for England.

Though it came in very little bottles, the stuff was getting on 12 per cent proof. There was a lass all those years ago in the Red Lion in Shildon who drank it like it was dandelion and burdock but staggered out like it was strychnine.

Now the barley wine fields seem to have been exhausted. "I'd even trawled the internet but couldn't find it anywhere," says Graham. "When I asked for some in Lewis and Cooper's in Northallerton, they immediately said that I must be making Delia's Christmas pudding because everyone

else had been asking, too." Even Whitbread's once-renowned Gold Label is now only available in cans and pretty hard to find, at that.

Delia's mildly intoxicating "traditional recipe Christmas pudding" includes two tablespoons of rum, 2.5 fluid ounces of barley wine and 2.5 of stout. If you need to make it a bit more liquid, she adds, pour in some more stout.

Graham Bell has finally tracked barley wine to the celebrated Buck Inn at Thornton Watlass, between Bedale and Leyburn. Mike Fox, the landlord, is said to have plenty more where that came from.

"I make puddings for all the family and they're just not the same without barley wine," says Graham. "Now I've finally found some, it can be a happy Christmas again."

HIS e-mail headed "A little learning", Mike Clark in Middlesbrough draws attention to a recruitment ad for the Learning and Skills Council, posts based in Gateshead and Middlesbrough.

The ad talks of "25 days' holiday", adding that "Its an ambitious plan."

The Learning and Skills Council's professed aim is to improve basic standards of literacy and numeracy.

On the internet, meanwhile, John Briggs in Darlington comes across a Polish website seeking to recruit a team of graduate engineers to install intruder alarms and CCTV in a County Durham town. The identity of this apparent crime hot-spot? Shildon, where else.

Hereabouts, of course, it's wise always to remember the advice about glasshouses and stones. Asking anonymity, a Darlington reader sends a flyer from Shearings - "We take care of everything," they boast - about planned Christmas promotions.

"There'll be plenty of mince pies's," they promise.

Shearings' partner in this seasonal enterprise? Alas, it's The Northern Echo.

APOLOGIES, next, to all those who've been waiting even longer than normal for Arriva buses these past few weeks: it's the drivers stopping to complain to Gadfly about their lot.

For the benefit of all those who've written to Hear All Sides about small but exceedingly irritating changes to local routes, the hacked-off drivers - they who take the brunt of the complaints - wish it to be known that they're the work of a systems analyst in Leicester.

We've also heard from John Heslop in Durham, who spotted on the internet that Easyjet flights from Newcastle to Rome on December 5 were 49p - significantly less than the half-mile bus journey from County Hall into the city.

"Maybe Easyjet could start operating the bus services," suggests John.

A driver at Arriva's Bishop Auckland depot was also anxious to point out that the double-decker on which we were about to depart towards Barnard Castle was the same vehicle which on August 6 this year had its roof sliced off, injuring 13 passengers, after running into Albert Road bridge in Middlesbrough.

"We get all the rubbish at Bishop depot," said the driver, though - to be fair - it looked like an invisible mend. The top half was every bit as filthy, and unwelcoming, as the rest.

APROPROS of little, Tim Stahl in Darlington points out the little known fact - confirmed by the dictionaries - that a kylie is actually a boomerang. So why are women called Kylie? "Because you have to handle them properly to make sure they come back to you," suggests Tim.

THE Brainless Britannia B, by far the worst 5s and 3s team the world has ever seen, played on Monday evening at Hopetown Club in Darlington. Why Hopetown? Not even the estimable Mr Chris Lloyd can suggest an answer.

It's the part of the North Road area of the town where Whessoe once worked around the clock. The club's officially Hopetown and Whessoe, there's a Hopetown post office and latterly, a Hopetown Office Park offering "state of the art architecture, space and style".

It was certainly in full vigour when locomotive production began in 1863 and, nine years later, when Hopetown and Harrowgate Hill became part of the municipal borough of Darlington - but was Hope a man, a band or simply an optimistic feeling?

None in the workmen's club knew, either, not even former Co Durham quiz king and Elvis aficionado Terry Moses, who won 1,300 quizzes before, unquestionably, retiring. "I'd have known if it was a question about The Beatles," he said.

It may nonetheless be the case that Hopetown springs eternal. The Brainless Britannia B actually managed a point.

ANOTHER little band of hope, three brothers from the Order of St John of God have arrived at St Augustine's Roman Catholic church in Darlington to run things in the continuing absence of the parish priest. Monastically attired, one of them was passing through the check-out at Sainsbury's when alarm bells started ringing and staff duly accosted him. The brother at once knew the problem. "It's a little metallic strip in my prayer book," he said. Having checked the word on the Word, they sent him on his way, rejoicing.

... and finally, Ian Andrew in Lanchester has sent a photograph of Amos Drive, on the Greencroft Industrial Estate in Annfield Plain, near Stanley. We've noted its existence before, without ever learning who the eponymous Amos might have been.

Ian, however, notes the wind turbine across the road. "The possibilities for witty one-liners are endless," he suggests.

The column has no wish to encourage such insurrection, of course - but what goes around comes around, I suppose.