HUNDREDS of press releases are sent to The Northern Echo every day – by email, fax and post. Some are very good and end up in the paper. Most are rubbish and end up in the bin. But they all have to be checked by busy news editors.

I know God loves a trier, but public relations companies can be a pain in the neck – especially when they keep ringing those busy news editors to ask if their press releases are going to be used.

Stressed news editors – including me in the past – have been known to scream in frustration, and I heard a particularly loud “Aaaaagh!” ring out across the newsroom last week when a certain press release landed.

It was still more than three weeks before Christmas and we’d received our first Valentine’s Day press release.

Now, if memory serves me right, Valentine’s Day isn’t until February. They’ll be trying to push Easter eggs next week.

“Treat your loved one this Valentine’s Day – the perfect Valentine’s treat to help wave goodbye to stress, aches and pains,” the press release began.

It was promoting something called the “Shiatsu Back Massager With Heat” which retails at “only” £159.99.

Don’t they know times are hard? I love my wife dearly, but she can make do with her usual box of Thornton’s Continentals – when the time comes.

IT reminds me of Valentine’s Day 1996… On February 13 that year, my wife found out she was pregnant for the fourth time and it was a bit of a surprise (not a mistake, just a surprise – it sounds nicer).

She was still feeling a bit shell-shocked the next day, so I decided to do something really romantic for Valentine’s Day.

I called at the florist’s and explained that I’d like to send my wife a nice big bunch of flowers.

“What would you like the message to be?”

I was asked.

Well, you can’t just put anything at times like these. You have to capture the moment – so I thought about it, carefully, and told the assistant what to put on the card.

“Lots of love and kisses, from Mister Fertile!”

I said.

She’ll like that, I thought to myself.

There’ll be a nice big hug on the doorstep when I get home.

But there was no hug on the doorstep. In fact, there wasn’t any sign of the flowers.

“Did you like the flowers?” I asked, finally.

“What flowers?” she replied.

It transpired that they’d been delivered by mistake to the old lady over the road. She was about 84 and she walked around with a smile on her face for a week.

I just didn’t have the heart to tell her.

STILL on fertile ground, the latest book in the Dad At Large series was launched last week.

“The View From The Doghouse” is the fourth book based on my Northern Echo column about being a dad. It costs £5 and is available from The Northern Echo’s offices in Priestgate, Darlington, and Newgate Street, Bishop Auckland. For every book sold, £1 goes to the Butterwick Children’s Hospice.

Thank you to those who’ve already been in to buy a copy. And for those who haven’t, I’m doing a Christmas book signing in the reception of our Darlington head office between noon and 3pm on December 20.

See you there.