WHAT do the recent West End revival of Guys and Dolls and the Eurovision Song Contest have in common? Not music, obviously.

We'll get round to the link in a moment. The context is the farce of the Song Contest, rightly blasted by Sir Terry Wogan for the blatant political voting which left Britain an undeserved last. They don't like us, do they, our fellow Europeans?

Especially the citizens of the former Soviet bloc, which seem to detest us with passion.

Yet it's the European Union, spreading ever further eastwards, that increasingly bosses us around. Guys and Dolls provides a small but telling current example.

One review of the revival said: "Frank Loesser's great musical from the 1950s is hilarious. The production often falls somewhat flat.'' Promotions for the show picked out only "hilarious".

But trading standards officers are now on sharp watch for such deception. They intend to enforce the Unfair Commercial Practices Directive, an EU production. Anyone who misleads, in activities that include door to door selling as well as theatre advertising, could be fined up to £5,000 and spend two years in jail.

Nothing wrong with that. But it symbolises where power has shifted. Britain has a raft of consumer protection law, pioneered with the Trades Description Act of Harold Wilson's government back in the 1960s. A British government took a British decision, which could be, and was, challenged in the Commons. Who proposed the extension to embrace theatre reviews? Who approved it?

We've meekly surrendered our democracy. The post office closures, dictated by the EU's demand for competition, are a bigger example. No major party emphasises this, because none can contemplate breaking the tie with Europe.

You don't think this has much to do with the Song Contest? Well, key business figures, including the chairman of BT and the chief executives of insurer Aviva and steel group Corus, are urging an enlargement of the EU to include the former Soviet states, seen as a source of "untapped potential for tomorrow".

They want us to break bread and get into bed with those who have just spat in our face. Nul points, wouldn't you say?

NO offence intended to Johnny Foreigner, and to prove it, here's a salute to him.

When the European Champions League Final turned out to be an all-England affair, there were dire predictions that the Russian hosts wouldn't be able to cope.

But everything went like clockwork. Would you have bet on it if the roles had been reversed?

Me neither.

Most impressive was the absence of fan trouble, attributed largely to tight control on alcohol, including a ban on street drinking. After acknowledging there were "lessons to be learned'', our Sports Minister, Gerry Sutcliffe, was asked if England might tighten controls on drink. He answered: "That was certainly a factor in the final's success. We have to look at that."

But nothing will be done. Stricter control would alienate many fans (voters) and reinforce accusations of the nanny state.

TO check national spelling ability, a sample of people was asked to spell ten commonly used words: Embarrassed... separate... accidentally...

definitely... liaison... Er, liaison? When did you last need to spell that, if ever?