Over the last few weeks, the correspondence column of The Daily Telegraph has literally overflowed. Extra space has been allocated to cope with a torrent of letters in the wake of the TV programme, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?.

Of course, the programme was a huge hit. But for Telegraph reader Bryan Dixon, down in Winchester, it was a big turn off. He wrote to say he was forming a Society for People Who Have Never Seen The Sound of Music And Have No Intention of Ever Doing So.

This opened the floodgates, less to a tide of willing recruits to Mr Dixon's anti-SoM society, though there were plenty of those, than to a swelling sea of people eager to launch their own "Never Have" societies.

As the phenomenon gathered pace, I realised I might be establishing a record. For I found myself qualified to join most of the Never Have societies. Since I share few of the ultra-Tory views held dear by the Telegraph and most of its columnists, this discovery was a trifle unnerving.

But facts are facts. And one is that I have been only too eager to join the following Societies of People Who Have Never. . .

* Been to Ikea.

* Watched Big Brother or I'm a Celebrity . . .

* Eaten at McDonalds (though I confess to once at Burger King with the grandkids).

* Read Lord of The Rings, any Harry Potter book or Hello magazine.

* Worn trainers, jeans or any denim item.

* Seen a James Bond movie, either in a cinema or on TV.

* Been to Disneyland, Ibiza, Tenerife.

* Attended a car boot sale.

* Liked The Beatles.

* Said: "I was, like...''

Though I have the credentials, I'm less enthusiastic about societies for people who have Never Seen Phantom of the Opera or Cats, Had a Tattoo, Bought or Sold Anything "On Line', or Used An iPod, (which I concede might be useful if I knew what it was). But I'm keen to found at least four Never Societies of my own - viz, Never Had a Chinese or an Indian, Never Watched a Televised Soccer Match Right Through, Never Shopped at the MetroCentre. I regret narrowly not being able to launch a Society for People Who Have Never Bought A Lottery Ticket, having succumbed on the first day and once since.

Behind these revelations lurks (for me) a very ominous question: should anyone as out of touch as I am with the contemporary world and mainstream culture be writing a newspaper column? Perhaps Peter Barron will offer his thoughts on this in his illuminating reflections From The Editor's Chair. And readers surely must have a view.

On Monday ten items cascaded through my letterbox. Two invited my wife and me to renew our Senior Citizen Railcards, which we renewed about a month ago. The rest was junk mail, including a discount offer from the MultiYork furniture chain, which classes us as "valued customers", even though we have never shopped there. I used to feel bad about the fat bundle of junk mail delivered to our home most days. Then I discovered that the PO welcomes it as a money spinner. Perhaps it wouldn't if the chairman had to carry the useless burden.