THE Archers is to have a new editor for the first time in 22 years. Vanessa Whitburn’s retirement has prompted a wave of speculation over possible new story lines. I’m tempted to submit a long-cherished idea of my own. Cue theme music: Tum-titum, ti-tum ti-tum… And then – silence. In the real countryside, among real country folk, remarks made by each Archers’ character to the others would by now have ensured that no one is speaking to anyone else.

In fact, the silent Archers, perhaps run for a week, with an explanation at the end, would be a timely counter-contribution to a current Radio 4 theme – noise.

The channel is now in the early stages of a 30-part series – yes, 30 parts – titled Noise: A Human History. It opened with an investigation of echoes in caves with prehistoric paintings.

Some echoes could be made to sound like the animals depicted nearby, which raised the possibility they were linked in some way.

About as far from that as you can get, later programmes will explore how special-interest groups – political, religious, commercial – manipulate us with sound. Meanwhile, last week, Radio 4 allocated a two-minute slot after the 9am news to allow various artists to use sound in their own way.

I heard only one, in which a reading of the football results was gradually drowned out by background noise, growing ever-more discordant and culminating in what sounded like a jumbo-jet taking off.

I like to think this was aimed at the infuriating playing of background music against people talking. I’m surprised certain presenters – let’s say Michael Portillo and Lucy Worsley – don’t refuse to allow this damaging element in their programmes. Trailers always have background music. Why not the news, I wonder?

Sometimes I now watch only with subtitles – not available with radio, of course.

Yes, silence is best. A silent Archers – peace in Ambridge, peace in the countryside, peace on the airwaves before a renewed struggle against background noise – would be a balm.

WHEN I wrote about Richard III a month or so ago I honestly thought the reburial issue was – forgive this – dead and buried. At enormous cost and effort Leicester had discovered and recovered the king.

Reburial at Leicester had been previously agreed. End of story. But the so-called Plantagenet Alliance – 15 relatives of the monarch – are challenging the Leicester reburial on the ground that it would breach their human rights.

Like the rest of us, these latter-day Plantagenets will have spat blood many times at the apparent inability of this country to deport alien rapists, murderers and terrorists, who shelter under some clause or other in the infamous European Convention of Human Rights. It is shameful that some of our own citizens are prepared to play the same shabby game, especially over an individual dead these past 527 years.

Best thing the Plantagenet 15 can do is fold up their tent and creep quietly away.

Come on Leicester – get Richard reburied then invite the sulking Plantagenets, to show them what magnanimity is.

AFUTURE king, Prince William, is unable to extend his RAF career since his helicopter search and rescue work is being taken over by a US company. By the time he’s crowned there might be nothing Britishowned left.