Didn't they do well!

Being nice to people when you can’t even have too much to drink, ignore the bores, or stuff your face on all the canapes, is even more tiring yet.

Knowing that everyone’s looking at you, criticising everything from your clothes, your shoes to the colour of your tights and the prominence of your cheekbones is not going to help you relax.

Throw in a few hundred cameras, reporters and millions of watchers worldwide and you have the stuff of nightmares.

And don’t even think of yawning, picking your nose, scratching your bum or even closing your eyes for an instant – because that’s just the instant when someone will take a picture.

So, come on, haven’t the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge done well in Canada?

Okay, their job is to dress nicely, smile sweetly, look interested and charm the locals. Maybe not exactly brain surgery or as challenging as trying to squeeze an education into a class of bolshy teenagers. But tricky nonetheless.

They’ve accepted bouquets, played hockey, rowed boats and tackled a few different languages, have been greeted like mega celebrities and – so far at least – not put a foot wrong.

They’ve even managed to look as though they’re enjoying it, which is probably the hardest bit of all, They also seem to be a great team – encouraging each other with a look or a smile, which says quite a bit about their relationship.

Whether we need the royal family or not is quite another debate. But while we’ve got one it’s sort of cheering to see a new generation making a decent fist of it.

Maybe they’ll give Will’s uncle Andy some tips...

HERE’S a great idea of how we can do brilliantly in the Olympics, get twice as many gold medals as last time and go whizzing up the rankings.

It’s quite simple. All we do – especially in the events where we’re not quite as good as the rest of the world – is ask if we can start sooner. A ten minute start in the marathon perhaps, or a few metres down the track in the relay. Perhaps we could stand closer to the targets in the archery or start from the other end of the swimming pool.

Because, of course, we deserve lots of medals. And lowering the standards for us would save us such a lot of extra effort in training and working hard, wouldn’t it? So much easier.

Sadly, the Olympics don’t work like that. Even more sadly, neither does the rest of life. So why does government think it does?

First of all we had them pleading with universities to lower their standards to take on more state school pupils – as if it were the fault of the universities or the independent schools that so much state education is not up to scratch.

And now Iain Duncan Smith, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions (pictured right), is begging employers to give jobs to British people over immigrants.

Yes, it’s an appealing idea. But doesn’t he stop to think why employers often prefer foreign workers?

Because often they’re better, that’s why. Sorry to be blunt, but it’s just an inescapable truth.

Why not just say thanks?

AS soon as the cards appeared in the shops, I knew it had all gone too far.

“Thank you, teacher,” they say – alongside a display of presents thought suitable for someone who’s spent the last year trying to give your darling some sort of basic education.

Now I have in my time lobbed the occasional bottle of wine or box of biscuits in the general direction of the school staff room, and would never grudge a teacher a token of appreciation from a grateful parent.

But when did it become compulsory?

Precisely when the card manufacturer’s saw it as another marketing opportunity, that’s when. Fitting it in neatly in between Fathers’ Day and “Good luck in your new school/university” cards. Nice little earner.

So don’t play their game.

It was harmless enough when teachers staggered home every July weighed down with wine, chocs, pot plants and enough smellies to stock a small shop, but now it’s in danger of becoming a lot more formalised.

Some school PTAs are apparently even demanding a set amount per child – £10 I heard on one radio programme.

Or buying theatre tickets and outings for teachers.

Most teachers I know appreciate the thought – and even the presents, but still find it a bit embarrassing or unnecessary.

What they’d really like, they say, is not a one-off semi-compulsory gift at the end of the year, but a lot more help, support, understanding and appreciation week in, week out. Not to mention remembering the gym kit, homework and the form about the school trip, and teaching your child to listen, all of which would make their lives a lot easier But that’s not so easy, is it?

No basis for marriage

CHERYL Cole is apparently prepared to take disgraced exhusband Ashley back if he fulfills her shopping list of demands.

Items on the list of must-haves – said to total £10m, presumably because she’s worth it – include her own recording studio and two new houses.

That’s no basis for marriage. When a woman presents a man with a stark price list like that before she gets into his bed, it’s something else entirely.

A little bit of film marriage

SO farewell then, Harry Potter as the final film in the series is released.

Sad to see the final adventures of the child stars.

But haven’t all the grown-ups been brilliant?

Ralph Fiennes, Maggie Smith, Michael Gambon and the rest. Above all, the wonderful Alan Rickman.

Life without Severus Snape will go on, of course. But it will definitely be a little duller.

Backchat

Hi, Sharon,
INTERESTING juxtaposition on your feature page today. In one section you praise, quite rightly, the sterling (unpaid) work of grandparents in caring for their grandchildren while their parents are at work. In the very next observation, you have a little rant at school closures due to strikes. Well, quite apart from the insanity of believing it is beneficial to have our children taught by 68-year-olds, who will be looking after the children when their grandparents are still working?

Does anyone ever think through these half-baked proposals?

And yes, I am a teacher!

Pat Timmins, by email