CAN you read this? Lucky you. A fifth of all teenagers leaving school this summer would struggle to read this page. They wouldn’t know what a fifth was either. And call it 20 per cent and it might just as well be Greek.

So much for education, education, education. And God help those teenagers when they’re let loose with a store card because they won’t have a clue.

Despite the billions of pounds spent trying to raise standards, the number of school leavers able to read or write to any useful standard has barely changed in the past 20 years. Many would say it had gone down. Plenty of employers know that all too well.

Business bosses complain that job applicants can barely fill in a form, let alone do anything meaningful.

Supermarket bosses have run very successful catch-up classes for employees – proving that the people weren’t dim, but hadn’t been taught/encouraged/bothered/had a chance at school.

It’s no coincidence that a huge proportion of people in our jails are unable to read and write properly – which shuts them out for nearly every decent job as well as a lot of everyday life.

Life in the 21st Century has become so complicated that if you can’t read, write or do the sums, you’re pretty well excluded and going to soon end up in deep bother.

And when it comes to money, we’re living in a world our grandparents just wouldn’t be able to grasp. And if they did, it would terrify them.

They dealt entirely in cash, kept their meagre savings in an old teapot or, if they were a bit more prosperous, in a post office savings account.

They certainly didn’t have access to thousands of pounds at the quick scrawl of a signature. You need to have your wits about you. One debt charity has even suggested that you should pass an exam before you get a mortgage.

Not such a daft idea. How many of us – even fluent readers who don’t need our fingers to add up – know the differences between all the different types of mortgage and how much more each one would cost us?

The Consumer Credit Counselling Service has suggested that mortgages for first time buyers should be sold like driving licences – only after a period of study and an exam.

And if they were, maybe not quite so many people would end up drowning in debt that they just don’t understand.

A number of states in the US have already started some such schemes.

And it all starts with being able to read and understand. Without that, the modern world is a closed book.

But how do we do it?

We seem to have thrown billions of pounds at education without much to show for it.

Some of the answer lies with parents, of course – depressing the number of children in even affluent homes who rarely have a story read to them – and then in our primary schools. If children can’t read by the time they’re 11 years old, their chances of being rescued are pretty slim. And the chances of their being able to manage a mortgage successfully are probably zilch.

If you can’t read the big print, how are you ever going to manage the sneaky small print?

NOW the dust has settled and Peter Harvey has been cleared of trying to kill with a dumbbell a pupil who had constantly tormented him, what of the other children in the class?

In court we heard how a group of 14-year-olds had waged a deliberate campaign to wind up the teacher who they knew had been off work suffering from stress, and to film his reactions for future mockery.

At the very least, it would be good to know that they accepted at least some of the blame, and know better than to bait someone who’s trying to help them along life’s path – with or without a dumbbell.

A recipe for voting chaos

AFTER the chaos at some of the polling stations, where scores of people were effectively disenfranchised – many are demanding a new way of voting, something more in keeping with the 21st Century, rather than a rickety polling booth and a pencil tied on with a bit of string.

We already manage so much of our lives online, so voting seems the next logical step. Voting online, say the critics, could be simpler, safer, speedier and more secure, so why not? Because it would mean a whole new computer system, that’s why. And whenever you put “government “ and “computer” together, the result is usually a horrendously expensive recipe for chaos. If we voted online, we’d probably end up with neither Tory, Labour nor LibDem, but with Monster Raving Loony Party running the country. On second thoughts...

Lady Gaga's undies

LADY GAGA has been accused of not returning four pairs of knickers lent to her by top lingerie shop Rigby and Peller. Knickers? Loan?

You mean they want to take them back into the shop and sell them to someone else? Or why else would they want them back?

If she were that desperate for knickers, It would have been so much easier if Lady G had just nipped into M&S like the rest of us.

Leave it to the girls

WOULDN’T it have been simpler if the Queen had just invited the wives to Buckingham Palace? A quick chat with Her Maj over a nice cup of tea and Sam Cam, Sarah Brown and Nick Clegg’s wife Miriam would have had the whole lot sorted in minutes.

Targeted protection

WONDERFUL that police are mounting a 24-hour guard on a rare orchid on a Lancashire golf course. Just as it should be.

Just a shame they couldn’t find the manpower to provide equal protection for people plagued by yobs and vandals and who feel terrified in their own homes.

Backchat

Dear Sharon,
I READ with nostalgia your article on Bessie Braddock. I spent some of my early childhood in Liverpool and remember the huge impact she made on local politics. She was one of the last of that generation of true socialists, driven by ideals and a desire to improve the lot of the poor.

I believe she also campaigned for greater choice in clothes for large ladies and once even took part in a fashion show. Her measurements are said to have been 50/40/50. No wonder she was larger than life!

She has not been forgotten in Liverpool. Last year a statue of her was erected on Lime Street Station, along with one of Ken Dodd.

Sheila North, Darlington.

Dear Sharon,
I WAS almost 30 years old before I realised that my mother had suffered from depression.

She would sit all day in the empty house doing nothing and when I came home from school everything was just the same as when I’d left it in the morning.

For long periods of time, she was unable to work and unable to care properly for me and my brother. I was very unhappy and I have to say that I was ashamed of her and hated her for it.

Now, of course, I realise that she was ill. How much easier her life and ours would have been if she had been able to talk about it and ask for the treatment she needed. I would like to thank the likes of Beverley Callarad and Marian Keyes for bringing this awful illness out into the open.

Liz McPherson, Darlington.