OH gosh! Uncork the ginger beer! Disney are going to do a cartoon version of The Famous Five. Jolly good! Or not. The Disney version will apparently be so up to date that it will be about the original gang's children, though maybe grandchildren would be more accurate.

But you can't bring the Famous Five into the 21st Century. Not without involving social workers, the police, health and safety officers and a full risk assessment survey.

Think about it - these children are allowed to roam the countryside alone in horse-drawn caravans (no protective headgear) or put out to sea in small boats (no life jackets or competency certificates) unaccompanied, unsupervised without anyone ever grabbing them into care. They even befriend circus people with pet monkeys so the animal rights people won't like that.

They explore caves (no hard hat or miner's lamp), camp in fields (no clean water or proper loos) and go up to strange farms asking for milk and ham and eggs from farmers' wives in their kitchens. What? No hygiene certificate?

They can be locked in cellars or castle towers, struggling with smugglers, trams or thieves, and their parents don't have a clue where they are.

Gosh, these days they wouldn't be in children's books, they'd be front page news in all the papers.

Dick and Julian always have to be bold and brave and sensible, while Anne is allowed to be timid and girly. So the sex discrimination police won't like that. And as for George... well, she'd be referred to a gender confusion clinic before you could say "Oh you are a caution".

And as for Timmy... in all the Famous Five books did you ever see one of them out there with a polythene bag and a pooper scooper? No. Exactly.

The Famous Five typified a certain type of 1950s childhood where children were allowed to roam freely all day as long as they didn't annoy the neighbours and were back in time for tea.

Those days are long gone. It's not Disney who should be re-making The Famous Five. It should be the History Channel.

IN a bid to make it easier for universities to select the high-fliers, the Government is going to introduce a new A* grade at A-level.

Ah, that wouldn't be anything like the S for Scholarship grade we Oxbridge hopefuls did back in the 60s would it?

Nothing new, nothing new.

ADELE Eastman, fiancée of the murdered lawyer Tom ap Rys Price gave a statement to the court detailing the effect his death had on her. It was powerful and heart-rending.

But what was it for?

The judge, presumably, knows that when someone is murdered it leaves family and friends devastated. Was this victim impact statement meant to influence his sentence?

In which case what about the women who are not so good with words, who might be tongue tied and inarticulate - would the killers of their fiancés get a lesser sentence?

One of the great aspects of British justice is that it is seen to be impartial and uninvolved. It relies on facts not emotions. It is cool-headed, and if that sometimes seems to be cold and distant, well, so be it.

But once you allow friends and family of victims to have their say, it becomes something different. Not a trial of facts and events, but a trial of tears - who can cry the loudest, describe their pain in greatest devastating detail.

It is the realm of soap opera and daytime television and little to do with justice. What next in court? Jerry Springer for the prosecution and Vanessa Feltz interviewing witnesses for the defence?

THE cost of babysitters has risen to £5 an hour, or up to £15 for a registered nanny and many parents are reported to be furious.

Strange, isn't it, how we happily pay a fortune for those who look after our cars, our hair, our washing machines, yet grudge even the minimum wage for those who care for our children.

Says an awful lot about our priorities.

AS I started writing this early yesterday morning, I was struggling with incredible, eye-watering, head-banging toothache. I rang my dentist and got an emergency appointment two hours later. (Thank you, Mr Chamberlain). From there I went to the Friarage Hospital for an X-ray and was back with it in the dentist's 45 minutes later.

Sometimes the system works brilliantly. Thank you.

Let's hope the industrial strength antibiotics are equally speedy.

TELEVISION is full of adverts featuring snow, ice, thick scarves and woolly gloves. Meanwhile, in the MetroCentre on Monday, many people were wearing summer uniform of strappy vests and bare legs. Daffodils are coming up in the garden and the back wall is covered in honeysuckle.

Remember this when we're building snowmen in July.

www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/ columnists/feature/sharongriffiths