People have many different ways to lose weight, diets, exercise, saunas etc but after a chat with Mally Barnes this weekend I can tell you a couple of ways NOT to try!

Since Mally’s partner Suzanne works at Darlington hospital and usually finishes around the 7pm mark, Mally came up with this fool proof plan to get fit and loose a few pounds.

Mally would set off from his home in Cockfield at about 6.45pm and walk towards Darlington. The plan was that after half an hour or so Suzanne would be driving back from work and pick him up. Mally reckoned he would get somewhere between Kevistone Corner and the Sun Inn pub. Seems fair enough, except that when you’re a nurse at Darlington hospital you can NEVER rely on finishing on time.

Mally said he was starting to wonder if his ‘master plan’ wasn’t the best idea in the world when he found himself just outside of Ingleton and still no sign of the missus.

A car that had just past him in the gloom turned around and pulled up along side; it turned out to be one of Mally’s work mates.

“What ya doing walking down here?” asked his bemused mate. “I‘m on me way to meet a blonde!” says our hero, “But seeing as you’re facing this way you can drop me off at the Black Horse, I’m clamming!”

Mally said they stopped for a pint or five and rang Suzanne to pick them up! Weight loss… NONE.

Mind you, there’s a bit of previous in the Barnes’ family when older brother Peter decided to get fit and loose a bit of weight a couple of years ago, he bought a bike!

Peter’s grand scheme was that he would cycle up to Woodland and back, no mean feat for a novice bike rider, what with ‘Slack bank’ and ‘Lane Head’ to negotiate, but there was one slight flaw! Peter decided to call in ALL the pubs between Woodland and Cockfield on his return journey. This meant a pint in The Edge, down to Harry Boys at Copley and then on to the Top House and the Diamond Inn at Butterknowle, a couple in the Stags Head down the Slack and then onto Cockfield club. When Peter finally emerged from the Middle House the lad wasn’t too steady on his bike, hit the kerb outside ‘Stirk’s’ and went flying! Weight loss… GAINED 3 pounds!

Moral of the story: If you want to loose a few pounds this year, head over to Shotton and beyond….. No pubs for miles!!