There was mixed reaction today when residents found out that over half of Cockfield Fell was now a boating lake! The lake stretches from ‘Swallow Bend’ to the ‘Slack’ and is currently up as far as the spoil heaps. With the level rising by ten inches every day, the water is expected to flood Manor Grove within a fortnight before reaching it’s peak somewhere outside Terry Kipling’s house.

The problem started early last month when Northern Water decided to implement a flood alleviation scheme on the Gaunless river - down the beck to you and me - to protect ‘Low Lands’ during periods of heavy rainfall. Northern Water brought in local experts ‘Barnowl Bros.’ to carry out the work, but sadly something has gone drastically wrong, causing the fell to flood.

In an exclusive interview with the Cockfield Blog, senior director and the ‘brains’ behind the operation, Peter Barns, explained what had happened.

“It was a mistake anybody could have made!” he began. “The gaffer at Northern Water took me and our youngan down the fell and pointed towards ‘Swallow Bend’ and ‘Low Lands‘. He was ranting on about all the water down there and told us something had to be done about it. He specifically said… ‘It’s always flooding down there, damn it! Get it sorted!’ So, like the man said, we did as we were told and built a dam! With his brother, Mally, nodding in agreement, the pair feel they have done nothing wrong and when I asked Mally about the twelve thousand years of history they had destroyed, he just said, “It’s still there kidda, just a bit moist, but you‘ll never find your bush hat now!”

Not surprisingly, only two days after the lake appeared, ‘Tupper Enterprises’ were hiring out rowing boats and have brought forward their scheme to turn ‘Esperley’ into a car park!

The blogs chief reporter, stand in editor, head of advertising, tea boy and general dogsbody Stonewall Jackson, caught up with Terry and Bernice Kipling, as they were hastily building a jetty in their front garden. “We’re quite excited about it all really” said Bernice. “We’ve always fancied living in a house overlooking a lake. We’ve even talked about bringing the caravan down from Morecambe to set up some outside catering as it’s bound to be busy with tourists.” Terry added, “She’s famous for her pasties ya nar!”

People living further down Manor Grove were less impressed.

One resident, who wanted to remain anonymous, Diane Bright, said, “I’m not too badly off as I live in one of the top flats and the water should stop about two inches below me, but I can see a few problems with damp in the bottom ones. On the plus side, the council painted these flats green so they ‘blended in’ with the fell, (HA!) at least now they’ll have to do them blue and anyway, I always said that one day, I’d live in a place with a moat round it!”

Tupper Enterprises’ head of communication and one of Cockfields leading pigeon fanciers, John Duggan, was said to be slightly miffed when he realised that the water was fast approaching his Cree. “It was a bit of a panic at first!” said Mr. Duggan, “But the lads have talked me into getting some of them new ‘Homing Ducks’ so it’s not a complete washout!”

Alan - Big Al - Milroy looked over the newly formed lake, slowly shaking his head. “The Barnowl Brothers have managed to do in a week what George Dixon failed to do in 1767 and that is, to have boats floating all over Cockfield fell. Having said that, if it was down to me, I’d have them shot!”

Cockfield civil engineering firm H.M.D. [Hartley, Motch and Davidson] have been brought in to assess if there is any danger to ‘Meadowcroft’.

Senior partner with the firm, John Hartley, thought that only the first few houses in Meadowcroft would be affected but not to the same extent as Manor Grove. “I think the water will reach Jeff Sparks’ house but only up to the front garden.” - It’s been rumoured that Jeff has already put up the rent on the property for the installation of a swimming pool! - Mr. Hartley continued… “The best tip I can give anybody living there is… get a fiver on Mark Johnsons horse in the 2.30pm at Kempton.” And with that he was off, heading towards the Middle House with a large can of damp proofing!

Further updates on the ‘FLOODY FELL’ will appear here!