IT must be the only time a Cabinet minister has endured the humiliation of being asked - across the Commons chamber - whether he planned to sleep with any more of his staff.

When he woke up yesterday, John Prescott would have feared his first question time since he was stripped of his department would be a bumpy ride. It turned out to be a Big Dipper.

And, at the end of 30 minutes of Tory taunting, few of us were any the wiser as to what the scandal-hit deputy prime minister will actually do with his time.

Mr Prescott was facing MPs in the wake of the expose his affair with his secretary, Tracey Temple, and the loss of his department - although not his perks - in Tony Blair's ruthless reshuffle.

Naturally, Tory MPs gave the DPM the sympathy he deserved - loading the order paper with questions about how many staff would work for him in his new role.

It allowed Reading East MP Rob Wilson to ask: "What steps will he take to ensure staff working under him will not be subject to sexual har-assment and bullying?"

A legitimate inquiry, of course, but all MPs knew what he really meant. And it didn't get any better when another Tory backbencher shouted out: "Keep the door closed next time!"

Then it turned out Downing Street had set a trap for Mr Prescott, forcing him to announce that the first of the Cabinet committees he will chair will embrace the topic of "domestic affairs".

The roars of laughter must have hurt - but they were nothing next to the guffaws that followed the less-than-helpful intervention of Dari Taylor, Labour MP for Stockton South.

A solemn question about neighbourhood renewal concluded with Ms Taylor asking Mr Prescott if he was "still going to have a hands-on role in this area".

The benches opposite erupted, and poor Ms Taylor was left shaking a fist at Tory MPs as she tried to protest that she "didn't mean that".

She said afterwards it was her most embarrassing moment since she told a radio show that the worst thing about an MP's life was "having to handle seven-and-a-half inches of mail every morning".

Mr Prescott then added to the merriment as he stumbled over pensions, insisting: "What we want is an affair and affordable pensions scheme."

They should give the guy a salary of £133,997 and two grace-and-favour homes for having to suffer such indignities. Oh, they do.