On TV

Everyone Hates Chris (five)

SHOWS with initials in the title are just loved by five. CSI, CSI: NY and the one that isn't afraid to be daring and use a real word CSI: Miami.

So it was obvious that a series called NCIS would end up on that channel. If only it had been directed by The OC's executive producer McG, it would have been perfect.

They even made a joke about a rival series. "Is NCIS anything like CSI?" someone asked. "Only if you're dyslexic," came the reply.

NCIS stands for Naval Criminal Investigation Service, the government agency that handles crime involving naval personnel. The first episode found NCIS naval commander Leroy Jethro Gibbs aboard the presidential plane Air Force One. "I saw this in a Harrison Ford movie," said one of his team, which wasn't a good idea as it reminded us how much better that movie was.

NCIS was no more than OK, despite featuring President George W Bush (not the real one) in a guest role. You may be wondering why the navy was up in the air and not on the water. Well, the dead man was a naval officer serving as a security officer who inconveniently died aboard Air Force One.

There followed a lot of argy-bargy between agencies with initials - FBI, CIA, as well as NCIS - concerned who had jurisdiction over the case. Gibbs got one over on the secret service guys by stealing the body and having his pathologist "Ducky" - who sounds as though he should be an extra in a Kenneth Williams movie - examine the corpse, who appeared to have died from natural causes.

Ducky is played by David McCallum, who used to star in another series with initials The Man From UNCLE. And in case you're wondering why he's called Ducky, it's because his real name is Dr Donald Mallard. The writers clearly spent more time thinking up names for the characters than on the plot.

When Ducky announced that he'd found "a number of clots", you could be excused for thinking he was being disrespectful to the President's advisers. But it was all to do with the naval officer wearing poisoned clothes and a terrorist plot to kill the man in the White House.

Secret service agent Caitlin "Kate" Todd - as well as initials everyone has a nickname - sided with the NCIS team and was rewarded with a job. I think I may have detected the start of a romance with her boss Gibbs. When she felt queasy and rushed to the toilet to throw up, he ran after her. Not to comfort her but to insist she vomited into a bag so he could sent it off to the lab to see if she'd been poisoned. That's what I call love.

Everybody Hates Chris achieves what I thought would never happen - something involving irritating American comedian Chris Rock that's actually funny. This may be because he's not actually in it, merely narrates this comedy about his childhood.

This week, his father compensated for being laid off from work by doing all the domestic chores. Trouble was he did them better than Chris's mother.

To get back in his wife's good books, he instructed the kids to mess the house up. "Just don't set your brother on fire," he added thoughtfully.

Wars Of The Roses

Quarry Theatre, West Yorkshire Playhouse, Leeds

IT began at 10.30am with the funeral of one king and ended 12 hours later with the death of another English monarch. In between, Northern Broadside's historical trilogy offered a dozen or so battles, clog-dancing, drumming, more royal family squabbles than the Windsors could imagine - and let's not forget the man responsible for the words, William Shakespeare.

Or should that be, Barrie Rutter? For Broadside's artistic director has edited four plays down to three - Henry VI, Edward IV and Richard III.

Scholars can argue over how good a job he's done at moulding the text. The point for audiences is that this epic works both as a dramatic experience and a history lesson. It is clear, concise and simply, but often brilliantly, staged.

The company's insistence on using Northern voices has the effect of making Shakespeare sound, well, not like Shakespeare but more conversational - a good thing as far as I'm concerned.

Only in the final play, Richard III, does the effect begin to wear off. Perhaps it was Shakespeare fatigue towards the end of a long but unmissable day, but there seemed to be an awful lot of sitting around declaiming in contrast to the other two plays which are notable for their inventiveness, pace and plain speaking.

This isn't to criticise Conrad Nelson's Richard III, a marvellously Machiavellian dirty Dick not averse to killing family, friends and children to gain the crown.

Andrew Whitehead's peace-loving, cross-clutching Henry and Richard Standing's confident, cocky Edward offer neat contrasts as the other heads that wear the crown.

There's no better moment than Rutter's spectacular ending to Edward IV as the king takes up his double bass to lead everyone in a musical number, leaving scheming Richard III minding the pram.

It's Shakespeare but not quite as we know it.

Steve Pratt

* The plays can be seen one at a time or all three on Saturdays. They run at the Quarry until April 22. Tickets 0113 213 7700. And then at the Stephen Joseph Theatre, Scarborough, June 1-10 (tickets 01723 370 541); and Newcastle Theatre Royal, June 13-17 (tickets 0870 905 5060).