False economy

At 65 he apparently needs a voice coach because he has damaged his vocal chords through shouting above the noise of 2,000 screaming fans. This takes some believing, but if a product of Morpeth Grammar School and Cambridge University chooses to make his living in this manner it can't be bad for the profile of a sport which peaked 20 years ago when Jocky was on the oche.

Sid says his most memorable sporting moment was when Phil Taylor came back from 4-1 down to win his 11th world title two years ago. He must have been tempted to shout "some people think it's all over," but perhaps that had already been said on a less memorable occasion.

JUST when all those second-rate heavyweight boxers thought the route to the world title had opened up with Vitali Klitschko's retirement along comes the Beast from the East.

Nicolay Valuev, the 7ft, 23st Russian, looks like the missing link. If his sheer bulk is not enough to frighten opponents, his facial features surely will and Don King is not the only one whose hair will be standing on end.

King was the promoter of Don Ruiz, who lost his WBA title to the Beast last weekend, when the controversial decision saw back-up men from opposing corners come to blows in an unscheduled supporting bout which would have probably outshone the main event had it not been nipped in the bud.

Not that King seemed too bothered and it comes as no surprise that he is already making plans to take Valuev to fight in the United States with the possibility of facing Lamon Brewster for the WBO crown. It seems a bout with Audley Harrison is not on the cards.

IT CLEARLY didn't prompt much festive spirit among Australian cricket fans when someone called Rudolph anchored his sleigh at the Perth crease all day on Tuesday. Whether Jacques of that ilk was red-nosed by the time he had saved the first Test for South Africa with his unbeaten 102 went unrecorded, but there must have been some red faces among the Australian authorities when their visitors complained of racial abuse from the crowd.

Following the recent riots in Sydney, it seems all is not well Down Under. Perhaps they're still smarting from the Ashes defeat, although the cricket fans should have little to worry about when they can call up yet another batsman capable of scoring a double century.

Brad Hodge is one of several Aussie batsmen who have passed through Chester-le-Street in recent seasons, although his brief stay was interrupted by breaking a thumb four days after his arrival as a replacement for broken finger victim Martin Love. He was preceded by Simon Katich.

Love was briefly in the Aussie side and Katich appeared to have become a fixture, but he and Michael Clarke have now made way for Hodge and Durham skipper Mike Hussey. Talk about spoilt for choice!

I DIDN'T watch the BBC Sports Personality of the Year show because they spend far too much time pleading with viewers to ring in and vote instead of concentrating on the year's highlights, which is what we all want.

But I gather Sue Barker blotted her copybook by suggesting Gavin Henson would do better if he could be kept out of Church. The remark seems likely to have been scripted for her as Sue appears to know the bounds of good taste in her lightly flirtatious approach to Question of Sport.

I usually refer to Henson as Charlotte Church's boyfriend rather than give him any credit in his own right as I took a dim view of his theatrical bullying of Mathew Tait on the Wolsingham lad's England debut. Subsequent events, culminating in this week's citing for foul play, have merely reinforced my impression.

IT MUST have been a shock to Darlington football fans to find that last Saturday's match was off, while it was possible to play rugby less than a mile away. It must also be galling that a stadium adorned with gold taps doesn't have a playable surface when the temperature drops a few degrees below freezing.

Undersoil heating was fitted but it seems it has never been switched on because of the cost. This is surely a false economy and it will be no surprise if the loss of Saturday's gatemoney leads to a cashflow problem.

I DON'T suppose Arsene Wenger has sent a Christmas card to Jose Mourinho and neither of them are on my list, joining the following who failed to make it: Sports Minister Richard Caborn, ex-Sports Minister and Chelsea fan Tony Banks, ex MP and Chelsea fan David Mellor, celebrity slobs Ian Wright and Phil Tufnell, plus a general assortment of under-achieving posers topped by Audley Harrison, Dwain Chambers, Gavin Henson and Shoaib Akhtar. To the rest of you: tidings of comfort and joy.

Published: 23/12/2005