The reluctant bridegroom is advised by his sister to "lie back and think of England" when he's in bed with his shy, younger wife. Her advice takes on added meaning when you know that the sister is Princess Anne, the brother is Prince Charles and the bride is Princess Diana.

But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do - and if you're a king-to-be, then your duty to Queen and country is to take a blushing bride, even if you'd rather snuggle up to your true love.

The title of Whatever Love Means makes the ITV1 drama sound like a Barbara Cartland romance, as does a synopsis that begins: "This is the story of a gauche, unconfident, deeply unhappy young man who falls in love with a confident, easy-going, sexually more experienced young woman, and finds in her all the warmth and love he never got from his parents".

All this could bring royal flushes to the cheeks of Palace residents when ITV1 screens the drama next month. They'll already be reeling from this weekend's screening of The Queen's Sister - no prizes for guessing Princess Margaret is the subject - which paints her as a bisexual nymphomaniac who liked a good singsong.

Gone are the days when the perpetrators of such right royal romps would have been sent to the Tower, or even to Sky One, never to be seen again. That's where the 1993 TV adaptation of Andrew Morton's bestseller Diana: Her True Story ended up. Similarly, a US-made TV movie about Prince William, starring Lulu's actor son Jordan Frieda, was little seen over here.

Times have changed. Now the royals are considered fair game by mainstream channels and they can't say I'm A Royal... Get Me Out Of Here! to stop the embarrassment and humiliation of having their dirty laundry washed in public.

It doesn't even have to be true. Both The Queen's Sister and Whatever Love Means can only surmise what happened. As far as we know, those involved and still living haven't acted as consultants.

The ITV film keeps its distance by confining the story to the meeting and mating of Prince Charles and Camilla in the 1970s, ending with their marriages to other people.

As Camilla was considered unsuitable marriage material ("A bedded can't be wedded", Earl Mountbatten points out), it's suggested she helped the prince find his princess. "I'm going to find you a wife. At least this way I get to find out who the competition is," declares Camilla in between puffing on a fag.

Considering the company he keeps it's surprising that Charles isn't a victim of passive smoking. At least Camilla asks permission to light up in the royal presence. He doesn't object, adding: "Half the family smokes, Princess Margaret puffs away like a chimney".

According to The Queen's Sister, she does a lot of other things too. "Disobedience is my joy. I've always been the naughty one. I did mind forever being cast as the younger sister," says Princess Margaret (allegedly).

The C4 film doesn't appear to take itself too seriously by calling itself "the epic drama of the royal family soap opera". Not too long ago, the idea of dealing with the monarchy like EastEnders with tiaras or Coronation Street with butlers would have been unthinkable.

Does it mean the public loves them less? Probably not. We all like a good gossip and a decent scandal (well, indecent scandal) and the royals have done their best to serve them up on a silver platter. A reminder that nothing much has changed comes with Wallis And Edward - not to be confused with Wallace And Gromit - which completes a hat-trick of royal muck-racking.

This two-hour ITV1 film aims to shed new light on the romance and scandal that led to the King's abdication. Joely Richardson stars as the American woman who won the heart of the future king (Stephen Campbell Moore). Coincidentally, Richard Johnson, who plays Uncle Dickie in Whatever Love Means, turns up as Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin in Wallis And Edward.

This isn't the only instance of doubling up. Shameless star David Threfall played Prince Charles in Diana: Her True Story and now fills the shoes of Prince Philip in The Queen's Sister. He can kiss his knighthood goodbye.

The Queen is absent in both screen dramas, although Helen Mirren will wear the crown in a forthcoming TV film about the relationship between the royals and Tony Blair in the aftermath of Diana's death.

The script for The Queen's Sister originally opened with Margaret and Elizabeth as children. "We axed that because it started the story in the wrong place," says producer Kath Mattock.

"It seemed to imply it was about the relationship between the sisters, which it isn't. It's more about the absence of the sister. We don't do the whole thing from cradle to grave. So we start the story in her 20s and end in her 40s."

Director Simon Cellan-Jones says that whatever you think of Princess Margaret, she was a fascinating, complex and utterly conflicted character.

"She was the ultimate spoilt brat but, because she had an elder sibling, her role in life was never going to be more than second in line: a position that decreased with the birth, marriages and children of her nephews and nieces," he says.

"She was renowned for her beauty, glamour and wit, but also for her rudeness, arrogance and selfishness. She was fiery and passionate, driven by anger and love. In fact, she makes for the perfect movie heroine."

* The Queen's Sister is on C4 tomorrow at 9pm. Whatever Love Means and Wallis And Edward will be shown on ITV1 next month.