IT MAY say something for the area's lukewarm gastronomic reputation that only two food establishments were advertised in the East Cleveland Herald and Post.

One was a pet shop in Guisborough ("35p off Pedigree Breath Busters") and the other a hotel in Kingussie.

Adrift on such modestly uncharted waters, we anchored at the Grinkle Park Hotel and discovered that the Captain Cook Country Tourism Committee had also landed there for lunch.

The hotel's a handsome place near Loftus, between the coast and moors roads to Whitby. We once addressed the local Grocers' Guild (or some such) there, though its still greater claim to fame may be the rhododendrons, which bloom in the Spring, tra-la.

The fragrant grounds also offer tennis courts, croquet lawn and, by the lake, a statue that's close to the watershed.

In a little copse there's a poignant little pets' cemetery, 100 years old, its symmetrical stones commemorating the likes of Mr Saltena (the peacock), of Swanny ("18 years on the lake at Grinkle"), of Moses (a dog, memory suggests) and of Kitty, history's champion mouser.

For some reason, however, there seems to be no memorial to the poor mice.

The hotel is pleasantly informal, full-sized billiard table in one room, draught Bass behind the bar, Country Life - all million pound mansions and "Alastair Little on the subtle charm of the pea" - on the coffee tables.

One of Mr Saltena's successors periodically made his presence heard outside.

The lunch menu is sensibly short, Tim Backhouse's evening carte and set menu (£19.95) much more ambitious. Customers in the chandeliered, white-naped dining room were generally elderly or (like the column at the time) not very clever on their feet.

The next table, in truth, seemed to consume almost the entire lunchtime with a debate on the relative merits of Hoover bags, as the generic term still has it.

The creamy mushroom soup, a lone starter, came with croutons and a warm roll and was followed by a roast beef salad (£5.95) that, mustard assisted, might serve as a model of a simple English classic.

The beef was pink and plentiful, the salad straightforward - nothing posh, like a scallion, or a drop pease pudding - but crisp, fresh and abundant.

The Boss considered her pasta with prawns and things equally enjoyable, her mother (the Welsh All Comers Bread and Butter Pudding Queen) wished that she'd been able to do greater justice to a vast plate of liver and onions (£6. 95).

One finished with the last of the summer pudding ("splendidly sharp") and harmonised accordingly, the other with a huge meringue concoction adrift in cream.

With good and ample coffee, the lunch bill for three amounted to just £33. Never mind the East Cleveland triangle, if this is how the old folk entertain themselves, we shall certainly join the Grinklies more often.

l Grinkle Park Hotel, Easington near Loftus (01287 640515). Public rooms suitable for the disabled.

DIDIER da Ville, the Scarlet Pimpernel of North-East gastronomy, has set sail forever from these shores.

So it says, at any rate, in the newsletter of Krimo's restaurant in Hartlepool.

Regular readers will be familiar with the French chef's nomadic career - a day and a half in Guisborough, a few weeks at Woodham Golf Club, sundry ports in Hartlepool.

In the spring, however, he headed off for Spain. "He sold everything, I even got his CD collection" says the eponymous Krimo (of whose new place on the Marina more shortly).

Now, however, the tide has turned yet again. Spain lasted six weeks: Didier found it boring. The Pimpernel, word has it, is back and cooking in the 'Pool.

BEFORE coming over funny - a unique experience, some would say - the column rashly suggested that Bimbo was sung by Shirley Abicair, the world's only known zither player. "I remember her singing Little Boy Fishing Off a Wooden Pier but never Bimbo" writes a gentleman from Cowshill, in Weardale. Bimbo, he insists, was Jim Reeves.

THE BREAKFAST Club, sim-ultaneously indisposed, joyously reconvened at Take-a-Break in Cockerton, Darlington. Chiefly a caf-cum-sandwich bar, the latter sub-titled Hungry Horace's, it also sells bin bags, garden tools, vacuum flasks, shoes for £4 a pair, illuminated Santas and packets of something called "bingo dab's".

Vainly, and not for the first time, The Boss asked for the vegetarian breakfast. "There's not no vegetarian breakfast" the waitress returned.

As in the matter of the bingo dab's, a grammar crammer seemed inappropriate.

It filled rapidly: mums watering the bairns, fugitives from Safeway, macho men with Sharon and tracery tattooed on carnivorous calves.

The vegetarian option being properly unavailable, The Boss tried the "small breakfast" (£1.50) whilst the menfolk had the large, all-day sort, for £2.10, Mr McCourt has lost two and a half stones and is allowed such early indulgence, though he lost a brownie point by not knowing the title of the Singing Nun's only hit. The breakfast was first rate: egg, slightly salty bacon, black pudding, good sausage, beans, tomato, sliver of mushroom, couple of bits of toast, any colour sauce so long as it was red.

For the price it was pushing nine out of ten - the very dab, as probably they say at the bingo.

SHORTLY before taking bad, the column also reported a recommendation from Ron Henderson in Hurworth, near Darlington, for the "superb" fish and chip shop in Kirkby Stephen Road, Brough.

Trouble was, we couldn't find it. Had he perchance meant Brough Road, Kirkby Stephen? Of course he hadn't.

Brough's roughly mid-way between Scotch Corner and Penrith, much quieter now that the A66 has snuck round the back. Robinson's fish shop is near the public toilets, the Trumpton clock and the four times a day Grand Prix bus stop, a straightforward place with smiling staff and posters for the nearby Warcop Rush Bearing Festival, army band and all.

A simply huge cod, carefully cooked and beautifully battered, came with enough chips to feed a regiment. It was £2.60 the lot, tremendous value and enough for two. Apologies to Ron, wrong again.

BIRDS and stones: Wear Valley CAMRA's second beer festival - at Bishop Auckland Town Hall from tomorrow until Saturday - will be augmented on Friday by a particularly bibulous farmers' market on the stalls outside.

John Constable, the area farmers' market co-ordinator - late of Butterknowle Brewery - reports that specialities will include products from the Northumberland Cheese Company made with the award winning Mordue's Workie Ticket ale, plus "various" cakes and sausages with a taste of Hambleton, Black Sheep, Hodges, Darwin, the valiant Village Brewer and others.

The "Beers of Northumbria" festival runs from 6-11pm tomorrow and Thursday, 11am-11pm Friday and Saturday, with food always available and live music each evening.

AND...finally, the bairns wondered if we knew what you'd call a monster which devoured its mother's sister.

An aunt eater