DID you know that Becks has now been with Posh for free and a half years? Perhaps when he's finished being the master of right-footed crosses and free kicks he can become a cricket commentator. I'd love to hear him give the score as free hundred and firty free for free.

Still, if he were offered the job he'd probably say: "Fanks but no fanks."

A rugby commentator on Sunday said that South Africa had been ruthless against Wales. Becks, of course, would have said roofless, which is not what the Springboks wanted at all.

They wanted the roof closed on Cardiff's Millennium Stadium to help create the sort of conditions they are used to at home. Well, you have to admire their nerve.

The Welsh would have had a better chance on a reclaimed pit heap somewhere near Merthyr (or Mefyr), exposed to the full blast of the wettest autumn on record.

Instead they have to play in a stadium which cost more than Rio Ferdinand, where the grass won't grow properly because its sun-starved environment has been likened to the bottom of a toilet bowl.

Lottery money was provided for the steeply-banked 74,000-seat stadium on the grounds that it would also be used for concerts and other cultural pursuits, which need to have the roof closed in the event of a downpour.

But the pitch problem threatens to scupper plans to stage the FA Cup final there during the rebuilding of Wembley, where hopefully the playing surface will be given greater consideration.

AT OLD Trafford they removed the top three inches and laid a new surface, and the result was that they were able to stage the Rugby League World Cup final without worrying about Becks tripping over one of the resultant divots.

The match attracted 43,239 fans, which probably just about doubled the total attendance from all the group games.

On their way to the final New Zealand won 64-0 against Lebanon, where they don't even play the game, and 84-10 against the Cook Islands - hardly good preparation for playing Australia, who have now been world champions since 1972.

Prior to that we thought only of Rugby League as a religion in places like Wigan, St Helens and Castleford, where early baths and up-and-unders were immortalised by the commentary of Eddie Waring.

When a winger was put clear, Waring would cry: "Nobody'll catch this lad, nobody'll catch this lad, oh what a tackle."

Since then the drift of top Welsh Rugby Union players to Salford and Warrington has gone into reverse with the advent of professionalism in the 15-a-side game.

League is under threat. But it still attracts ten times more people than Union at Headingley, and the lesson should be to concentrate on keeping the game strong in its heartlands instead of trying to transplant it to places like Beirut.

Also, let's have a Great Britain team instead of England, Ireland and Wales in the next World Cup. That way we might offer some kind of challenge to the Aussies.

I GATHER Sir Alex Ferguson has not spoken to the BBC for several weeks because he was offended by an article in Match of the Day magazine. His solicitors have demanded an apology, plus damages.

Personally, I can't say that my quality of life has suffered during his absence from the box.

You might see a different side of him if you are misguided enough to buy Manchester United's Christmas video, which apparently includes some footage of a quiz night at which Fergie takes great pleasure in proving himself brighter than his players.

He knew for example that Gershwin wrote Rhapsody in Blue, whereas Teddy Sheringham opted for Schubert. Becks probably didn't give it much fought.

DAVID O'Leary could certainly give Fergie a few lessons in image projection and it's good to know that Rio Ferdinand opted to learn from the former Ireland centre half rather than join that pleasingly out-of-sorts bunch at Stamford Bridge.

But the tactics of O'Leary's chairman Peter Ridsdale appear to be creating a few waves. He had apparently been claiming that it was common knowledge that Ferdinand was unsettled, but it had nothing to do with him.

Peter Reid claims Ridsdale is doing the same with Kevin Phillips. But I have my own theory as to why the Sunderland striker had hit a goal drought prior to Tuesday. I think he's been doubling up as another Phillips - Craig the winner of television's Big Brother.

Did he score in the Big Brother house? That we'll never know