THE death of her beloved sister was just the beginning of five years of torment for Wendy Smailes - five years in which she freely admits to have considered ending it all.

During the long years waiting for someone to be brought to justice, the 35-year-old has seen her family suffer and the finger of suspicion in the small community of Leadgate point at her.

Now, she says, even the conviction of whoever stabbed her sister more than 50 times and watched her die will not be enough to erase the hurt she has endured.

"If they catch them now they have still had five years," she said.

"Five years since our Julie was killed to do what they like, to be free. All that time me and my family have been through hell."

The killing of Julie Smailes in October 1996 left a community in shock and looking for a killer. It did not take long for questions to be asked of her older sister.

Living just a few streets away from Wingrove Terrace where Julie was killed, Wendy says she has to live with what she believes to be a silent suspicion within the community that she was involved in the killing.

She says she cannot get a job and finds it hard to leave the house. Her son, Dean, now 14, has also been badly affected and has been given a hard time at school and in his neighbourhood.

After the killing Wendy, 35, and her partner of 15 years Stephen Nelson, were arrested and held for 48 hours for questioning over the death.

Police have stressed the pair were cleared of even the slightest suspicion. But, at the funeral, a few days later, many of the mourners would not talk to her. She still feels she had not had time to grieve properly.

In recent years, the family has tried to leave the area to begin again, but were unable to sell their home in Tees Grove.

Her mother, Joy Gilmour, has also suffered under the strain of the unsolved case and recently left the country to start a new life.

"I sometimes feel like jumping off the Gill Bridge here in Consett and ending it all," she said.

Wendy and Julie had had a row before the death, but she had hoped to buy a Christmas present to make it up when news of the murder broke - and her world fell apart.

The sisters grew up in The Grove area of Consett and went to Moorside Comprehensive school, before witnessing their parents divorce. Julie moved in with their father, former steelworker James Smailes, known as Smiler, and Wendy with her mother, Joy Gilmour, nearby.

But still the two were always together, almost inseparable. They then grieved together when their father died suddenly in 1992.

Wendy, who was working in a bank at the time of Julie's death, says her bright sister was also particularly close to her son Dean.

Despite earlier problems with the police, Wendy has established a good rapport with leading investigator Detective Superintendent Tom Ryan and his team.

All she wants now is justice for Julie and hers and her family's life restored to what it once was.

Wendy said: "I want it public that I loved my sister beyond anything.

"I could never have harmed her and I have to live with the knowledge that nothing will bring her back to me.