Why Bishops long to get over the wall

Tony has not only seen all 692 episodes, and presumably counted them, but heads down under in March for a two-week locations tour, organised by the cast.

His wife will tape Neighbours, more compulsory viewing, while he's away. "Australia only seems to have so many actors, a lot have gone from Cell Block H to Ramsey Street," he says.

The part-time teacher and driving instructor is also chairman and secretary of Bishop Auckland FC - the best known and most successful amateur club in history - and a passionate follower of both England and the Spice Girls, on one memorable airport occasion simultaneously.

It didn't seem right to ask who Mel C might be.

The 52-year-old chairman is also known in those parts for wearing open-toed sandals 365 days a year - even Helsinki, even Tow Law - though in the winter he has thermals.

"At Tow Law," he says, "my toes are probably the warmest bit of my body."

Though it's tempting to talk about being out in the cold, it's the Cell Block H analogy which works best in Bishop Auckland. Prisoners in their own home, club officials are increasingly desperate to get over the wall.

"I'm afraid that Kingsway has completely outlived its usefulness, especially with FA rules the way they are," says the chairman. "We can't get anywhere while we're here."

A 10,000 capacity new stadium at Tindale Crescent, two miles down the road, has been on the drawing board - and remained there - for the past six years. Now they're hoping for £1m from the FA-backed Football Foundation to kick-start their future.

Kingsway, though familiarly two- sided, once attracted 16,300 for an FA Cup tie with Coventry, regularly held 10,000 for Amateur Cup games and after the war averaged 5,000 in the Northern League.

Last Saturday just 152 watched the Unibond League premier division match with Burscough; on Wednesday night still fewer turned out to see Bishops, the holders, play Esh Winning in the Durham Challenge Cup.

The famous old stand resonated only to the echoes of the past, the once-thronged press box remained empty - nothing, and no-one, to report - grass grew where once thousands of pit boots had stamped for warmth, and for mutual encouragement.

Clearly the commercial manager had done a good job, though, because the advertising hoardings appeared to outnumber the crowd. The crowd was 95.

The town, a club adviser had said in Saturday's paper, was a hotbed of soccer. But the hotbed - in Bishop Auckland and throughout the North-East non-league scene - feels only the chill wind of indifference.

"This town doesn't deserve a good football team like this," says Don Shoulder, joined in his customary seat in the stand by precisely 21 others.

Don first saw Bishops play in 1939, had 26 years on the committee, a spell as groundsman. Once, he recalls, they'd queue right down Kingsway, sit on temporary seating behind the bottom goal or on orange boxes at the side.

"Juniors don't want to align themselves to this level any more. You don't see kids in two blues shirts walking round the streets."

Television was to blame, of course, and the pull of the Premiership - "even the few times we have a bit bother, it's people in black and white or red and white shirts" - and there was also the wife to be considered.

Once you could bring her to go shopping down Bishop while you went to the game, said Don. Now she wanted to go to the MetroCentre.

Then, said his mate Eddie Moore, there were the betting shops.

"In the 1950s you just gave your money to a bookie's runner. Now the betting shops are like night clubs; no wonder people don't want to leave them."

If so faithful few attend the better-days town centre ground, though, how on earth can they fill a 10,000 capacity ground in the sticks?

"Well really and honestly you can't get a better situation than this, but people will go because it's a new ground," says Don.

"The new stadium would give us so many more opportunities, a chance to start junior academies and to become a family and a community club," says the chairman.

"I firmly believe we can turn things around if we get there, but getting out of here is an absolute must."

The first half's a bit physical, but closely contested. A few more come in at half-time, as historically they have when the gateman goes. The speakers play pop pap; whatever happened to the Grimethrope Colliery Band, someone asks.

The second half's enlivened at the Kingsway end by Grant Wilson, a Fabien Barthez lookalike who keeps goal for Esh Winning and provides the best bit crack since the incomparable Harry Sharratt built a snowman on the goal line or read the half-time scores between infrequent calls to action.

Afterwards in the guest room - hospitality generous as ever - the talk is again of hotbeds and busted springs, and of the Bishops' next move.

"I've never been one to put up the white flag but I honestly can't see crowds coming back to football at this level," says former chairman Steve Newcombe.

"There's people prepared to pay £40 and £50 to watch the Premiership when for a fiver they could very often see a better game here."

Charlie Townsend, another past chairman, recalls the players - Danny Mellanby, Michael Nelson, Jeff Smith, Glen Downey - who since last season alone have gone into full- time professional football.

"In a way we've too much history here. It's like a ball and chain that's holding us back. What this club needs is a new start and a new stadium, we can't carry on as we are."

The next home game, November 3, is against league leaders Burton Albion, including ex-England internationals Nigel Clough and Des Walker. Albion are likely to bring 500 supporters to the open prison that is Kingsway.

"I just hope," says Steve Newcombe, "that we can do a bit better than 95."

MURTON, for whom a crowd of 95 would be five short of unbelievable, are still unable to return to their Albany Northern League home near the Durham coast.

Though the crater is filled in and the pitch re-turfed, the parish council had overlooked the small matter of those sockets into which the goal posts are lowered.

A sinking feeling followed. "We tried everywhere to find some, but it's over a year since we played there," says club chairman Tom Torrence.

Goal posts moved, they hope to be back in a fortnight.

PERHAPS some of the Bishops' past greats - certainly present assistant manager Colin Richardson - are featured in a book about the characters of North-East non-league football being launched on November 6.

Happily for co-author and former Blyth Spartans player Paul Dixon, the writing had finished before a horrific fall in which he broke both elbows.

"I was just crossing the road when one foot caught behind the other and I went flying. For six weeks I went through absolute hell," says Paul, who covers non-league football for BBC Radio Newcastle with fellow author Barry Hindson.

It was, he adds pertinently, only 11am.

Now entitled We Just Love Football, the book was originally called Touchers - a Tyneside term for "character", apparently, but frowned upon by the publisher.

The cast includes battling Billy Cruddas, the unstoppable Ian Crumplin, Tony Cassidy and Tony Monkhouse, the Weardale farmer who anchored Evenwood Town's defence 30 years ago.

"It's a hilarious book but in places a really moving one, too," says Paul. More later.

HAPPILY recovering from yet greater travails - two years ago he had an operation for stomach cancer - the indomitable Doug McCarthy from Crook began his assault yesterday on the Paddy Power sponsored World Grand Prix darts championship in Dublin.

Doug, 59, qualified by winning the North-East regional final in South Shields, though the organisers appear themselves to have become a little thrown.

Not only is he described as Dough McCarthey but South Shields has been temporarily transferred to Scotland.

Paddy Power, Ireland's biggest bookie, makes nine times world champion Phil Taylor odds-on to take another title. Dough McCarthey, bless him, is 500-1.

FOUNDED in 1926, Ferryhill Wheelers celebrate 75 years on the road at a dinner on December 7. Last year the column was the spokesmen's spokesman, to mark the 75th they've after-dinner entertainment of an altogether higher gear.

Ian Hallam MBE won Commonwealth Games gold in 1970 and has been leading the field - frequently with the Wheelers' Steve Davies in close pursuit - ever since.

Steve was even at the 1970 Games - his father was Malawi's boxing coach, long story. He and Hallam met most recently at the British Masters, when our man won a gold and four silvers.

"The gold was on the Friday evening when Ian was in Belgium," says Steve, a Darlington-based insurance executive who also won bronze in the World Masters.

All former Wheelers are invited to the 75th round-up, at the Cumby Arms in Heighington. Details from Howard Jones, 01325 351923.

BACK from his travels in Suffolk, Hartlepool postman John Dawson reports that one of the Lowestoft Town players rejoiced in the surname Tacon. His first name was Mickey. Mickey Tacon? "No," says John, "I'm quite serious."

THE three former Sunderland players who still hold the record for most goals in a season with clubs now in the Scottish Premiership (Backtrack, October 12) are Joe Baker (Hibs), David Halliday (Dundee) and Benny Yorston (Aberdeen.)

Brian Shaw from Shildon today invites the identity of the club which, after beating Bradford City on November 20 1999, spent the following ten Saturdays inactive - mainly because of European demands.

The column's in action again on Tuesday.

Published: Friday, October 26, 2001