WHAT'S HOT: GRAND DAME: Good old Joan Collins is set to walk up the aisle again.

The 68-year-old actress is going to marry Percy Gibson, who is 32 years her junior. Looking like a woman less than half her age, Joan has said this marriage will last, unlike her five previous attempts. Joan may not be a very good advert for marriage but she is one of the very few true glamour pusses left in the world. Never seen without her wig and lip gloss, Joan is the UK's answer to Mae West, complete with wicked tongue and torrid private life. Joan deserves a happy marriage and hopefully things will work out for her and Percy, but something suggests Joan would be just as happy with the drama another fall-out would create.

STYLE QUEEN: The Queen is going to shed her dowdy image and get some up-to-the-minute style in her wardrobe. For years, her majesty has worn the same style of dresses and hats and sported that ageing hairstyle.

Fashions have come and gone but HRH has refused to move away from her tried and tested look. But now help is at hand. Jacques Azagury, one of Princess Diana's favourite designers, is expected to take charge of the royal wardrobe in the coming months. He has dressed the likes of Sophie Ellis Bextor, Sophie Ward and Davina McCall, who are all young and glamorous women. No doubt Jacques will use his style to ensure the Queen doesn't end up being over-dressed, and hopefully his fashionable touch will give her majesty a much needed make-over.

WHAT'S NOT: RIGHT ROYAL MESS: Princess Anne's daughter Zara Phillips is featuring in the latest edition of Hello. She has not been paid a penny for the starring role - unlike her boyfriend, who was handed an estimated £125,000 for the pictures and interview. Zara's man is a jockey called Richard Johnson, who is much more famous for his girlfriend than his horses. Zara agreed to pose for the pictures to try to raise Richard's profile outside the horsey set. The 24-year-old obviously lacks charisma and personality if he has to rely on his Royal connections to raise his profile. The pictures, with his arm around Zara and next to the couple's dog, are sickly, posed and very unnatural for a young couple. Throughout her life Zara has proved she has a wild streak and there's something not quite right about seeing her being moulded into the role of the little women supporting her man. Zara's royal status makes her special but allowing her boyfriend to trade off the back of it is both undignified and desperate.

DUMMY LOVE: Every child is beautiful in its mother's eyes, so why are some parents happy to make their babies look like a laughing stock? The Billy-Bob dummies are the latest craze from America to be sweeping the nation. These grotesque dummies make little ones look like they are grinning inanely, snarling or even have buck teeth. Dummies are not great at the best of times but these are truly horrible. And is it really fair to hold a child up to ridicule? Children are not accessories to be dressed up and made fun of when parents feel a bit down. There's one place for these dummies and that's the bin.

MONEY BAGS: Kay Hammond claims she is too busy at work to look for a future husband. So rather than joining a dating agency or putting a small ad in a paper, Kay has put herself up for auction. Like a cow at market, Kay put a starting price on herself and has sat back and watched the bids come in. Offers reached £10 million before the Internet site she was using pulled the plug, but the whole auction has now been moved to another site. Kay, 24, claims the idea is not a publicity stunt but whether she will actually go through with the wedding is questionable. With this tacky auction Kay has returned to the old days of women being handed to the man with the biggest wad of cash. Love, attraction or even old-fashioned lust don't even come into it.

TERRIBLE FLIRT: Pop Idol judge Simon Cowell has made a name for himself as the nasty one who tells the wannabes what he really thinks of them, however bad that might be. But it seems he's not happy to be known as just Mr Evil and he know wants to be seen as Mr Lover Man.

Having proposed to one of the most beautiful and scantily-clad contestants following her performance on the ITV show, he has now gone on record about his love for a lap dancer. He met his girlfriend at a pole dancing club in London where he admits to spending his spare time. The pair don't have an exclusive relationship, leaving Simon free to try to seduce any other unsuspecting women he comes across. Truth is, Simon Cowell loves himself so much there's no need for anyone to else to fall for him.