As the parents of Cambridgeshire schoolgirls Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman struggle to come to terms with their grief, Women's Editor Christen Pears speaks to the grandfather of 11-year-old murder victim Wesley Neailey about he pain of losing a child.

IT was the news everyone had been dreading. On Sunday evening, after a two-week search, police confirmed they had found the bodies of Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman on remote fenland, less than ten miles away from their homes in the Cambridgeshire town of Soham.

Since the two friends went missing on a sunny summer's evening, their parents, and indeed the entire nation, had been hoping they had been abducted but were alive and well. The grim discovery of the bodies and the arrest of school caretaker Ian Huntley and his girlfriend Maxine Carr dashed all their hopes and they must accept that they will never see their daughters again.

Harry Hammond has the deepest sympathy for the Wells and Chapman families. In 1998, his grandson Wesley Neailey was murdered by paedophile Dominic McKilligan.

"Something like that changes your life forever," he says. "It's the hardest thing in the world for a parent or relative. I really feel for the parents of those little girls. Their hearts must be breaking right now."

Wesley Neailey was just 11 when he was lured from his home in the west end of Newcastle by McKilligan. The 19-year-old music student, who had already carried out a string of sex attacks, had been living unmonitored in Newcastle after slipping through the net of police and social services. He met Wesley, a friendly, cheerful boy, while delivering takeaways, and offered him money in exchange for work on his car. He then lured him to his flat, where he raped him, before smashing his skull with a wrench and strangling him.

Wesley was last seen by neighbours riding the new mountain bike his grandfather had bought him round the streets where he lived and, following his disappearance, police mounted a huge search. His body was discovered a month later, dumped in a cardboard box in remote countryside in Northumberland.

"As long as they're missing, there's hope. You just keep clinging onto the idea that there's still a chance they're alive somewhere and that they're going to come back to you, but there's also a feeling of helplessness. You think you're not doing enough. You make statements and appeals but, at the end of the day, there's nothing you can do and that's a terrible feeling. You don't think it can get any worse but when you hear the news they've been found, it does. All your hopes are shattered."

For Harry and Wesley's mother, Liz, the grief they experienced following his death was made worse by the fact they never had the chance to say goodbye.

"We don't know how long those girls have been lying in the woods but, if it's like Wesley, their bodies will be decomposed. That itself is horrible but, in a way, it means it's not like your child. For us, it's wasn't like burying Wesley, we were just burying a box. It made it much more difficult because we hadn't had a chance to say our final goodbyes."

Like Holly and Jessica's parents, Harry and Liz received support from a police liaison officer throughout the search and subsequent trial. They explained what was happening, assisted them with statements and generally helped them through the ordeal but for Harry, it wasn't enough.

"They help you as much as they can but they can only do so much and, after the trial, you're pretty much on your own. You can't think about anything else, you can't sleep and you can't talk about it to anyone. It just takes over your life."

But, in the year following his grandson's death, Harry found help with the Newcastle-based Homicide Support Unit. The self-help organisation was set up five years ago by June Richardson, whose son was murdered by schoolgirl Mary Bell in 1968. June, who is now a trained counsellor, wanted to use her experience to help others, and the group has grown steadily since.

"You can talk to all the experts you like but unless something like that has happened to you, you can't even begin to understand what people are going through," says Harry. "With the unit, there is always someone there to talk to. They know how you feel and that makes it a bit easier."

Last year, Harry married Pamela Nixon whose 16-year-old daughter, Emma Cater, was murdered in an arson attack while she was babysitting. The couple had met through the Homicide Support Unit.

"We got together because we understand each other," Harry explains. "We've been through the same kind of things and when we're together, we can talk to each other. Sometimes, ousiders might think we're behaving strangely but we don't have to apologise for anything."

There are numerous charities and organisations which provide support for the families of victims. Compassionate Friends is an international group, which specifically helps those who have lost a child, whatever the circumstances, and it has a network of representatives throughout the North-East.

COUNSELLOR Janet Dacombe says: "It's hard when anyone dies, but particularly when it's a child. That child is part of you and you expect that you will die before them. When it happens the other way round, it turns everything upside down.

"Years ago, it was common for children to die, often several in one street, so there were always other families who knew what you were going through. These days, it's much more rare and families often have to deal with things on their own. We tend to bottle our grief up, which often makes it harder and that's not just about children. In a lot of ways, death is still a taboo subject in Western society and people often need help to come to terms with it."

Although the death of any child is painful, Janet believes murder is different. "If it's an accident or an illness, you can find an explanation for it, but with murder, there is evil involved. Why would anyone do that to your child? It's incredibly hard for people to understand."

She believes Jessica and Holly's families will still be in shock, but that initial feeling of numbness will give way to a range of emotions, including anger and guilt.

"They will be going through the whole grieving process. From what I've seen, they've got a lot of support in Cambridgeshire but their lives are in turmoil and it's going to be so difficult for them to find peace. They're never going to get over it but they will eventually learn to adapt."

Adapting is something Harry knows all about. Although he has tried to re-build his life, watching the events in Soham unfold brought back painful memories for him. "Some days you're fine but suddenly something flicks a switch and you're back there, going through it all again.

"I don't think you ever come to terms with something like this. You try to get on with your life and live it as best as you can but it's never going to be the same. Never."