THE murder of the two Soham schoolgirls was an act of indescribable wickedness. What the poor children must have suffered is beyond imagining; and the grief of their parents and near relatives terrifying and endless.

But the media's coverage of these dreadful events was disquieting and, in its combination of sentimentality and horror, reminiscent of the reporting of the death of the Princess of Wales.

No good purpose was served by giving to the case the first ten minutes of every new bulletin for a fortnight. Watching television was to get the impression that we were being told what to feel. The wall-to-wall coverage resembled a macabre soap opera.

I find it regrettable that in recent years the British people have been coerced by a sensationalising mass media into these fantastic expressions of public emotion.

What, when faced with atrocities, innocent suffering and profound loss and grief, is the appropriate response? Think about it with me for a few minutes and I wonder if you will agree that the most productive response is restraint? Certainly the parents of the murdered girls behaved throughout with restraint and a most impressive dignity. I cannot believe any good purpose is served by the near hysterical wailing which was whipped up by successive television news bulletins.

As a parish priest I have observed human tragedy and grief at close quarters for more than 30 years, and I think I understand, if only a little, what helps in these situations and what does not.

After conducting hundreds of funerals and being near to countless families in their grief, I have come to understand that the sincerest and most restorative grieving is that which is done with restraint and in private. It is something to do with seriousness and self-respect.

One of the most moving examples I can recall is of a City man who lost his wife of 30 years. A few days after the funeral he returned to work in his office. What his colleagues noticed, if they noticed anything, was that he had forgotten - because his wife was no longer around to prompt him - to put a handkerchief in the pocket of his jacket, and his daily newspaper was not folded quite as neatly as usual. I am convinced that good manners are as important in dealing with death as they are in every other area of life.

Death requires dignity, and we best serve the memory of those we have lost by the disciplined ordering of our feelings. Unfortunately, we have, following the baneful teaching of Sigmund Freud and his cod followers, the touchy-feely, let it all hang out, flower power freaks of the 1960s, been persuaded to abandon all restraint. And, of course, showing people letting it all hang out is something which television is extremely good at. But an emotional binge does nobody any good.

With the utmost respect for those two murdered girls and their families who must be numb with grief, I suggest a response which, precisely because it is dignified and restrained, is likely to be the most useful. Pray for the souls of Jessica and Holly. Rest eternal grant unto them, O Lord; and let light perpetual shine upon them. And may the Everlasting Father give to their parents the comfort of his love.

Better than all the jargon about "the grieving process" are the words of the Gospel: "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also".