PRIOR to Tino Asprilla being paraded at Feethams on Tuesday, Radio Five Live announced that he was the biggest thing to hit Darlington since George Stephenson's Rocket.

This is claptrap on two counts. Firstly it was Locomotion No 1, not Rocket, which shunted Darlington into railway fame, and secondly it would be far more accurate to say Tino is the biggest thing to hit the town since George Reynolds.

I suspect that Tino's impact will be fleeting in the extreme in comparison with that of the chairman, whose insatiable appetite for creating headlines sees him take the knocks and keep bouncing back.

Not that his courting of Asprilla is a mere publicity stunt. He doesn't need that so soon after the Gazza episode.

It is a genuine attempt to excite local people and put bums on seats in advance of the move to the new stadium. But will Asprilla still be mesmerising Third Division defences when the move is made?

Will his rubbery limbs skate elusively across the mud on a January night at Scunthorpe or Rochdale? Or will there be a sudden family bereavement which demands he spends a month back in Colombia?

If there is ever any suspicion of Tino swinging the lead, it will merely create resentment among teammates prepared to battle through the muck and bullets on far lower wages.

So let's hope that while accommodating him at Witton Hall, Reynolds has got to know his famous guest and is certain of what he is signing.

DICKIE Bird was on the wireless the other morning talking about the day blocked drains at Headingley forced him to halt a West Indies Test in bright sunshine.

"Water were oooozing out o't' ground," he said. "It were coming ower us boots."

Although unintentional, this was rather timely as the Indians might wish to mount a round-the-clock vigil at the Oval to make sure there is no mysterious blocking of drains or bursting of pipes before next week's deciding Test.

After dominating the early part of the series, England will now almost certainly lose it if the Oval starts dry, especially if they bat second.

Spin will hold the key and in Anil Kumble and Harbhajan Singh India are much better blessed than England. The only English spinner to pass 40 wickets in the County Championship this season is Hampshire veteran Shaun Udal, helped by the immature pithces at the Rose Bowl.

The only others with over 30 are Phil Tufnell, Robert Croft and Worcestershire's Yorkshire reject Gareth Batty. I don't see any of those frightening Tendulkar, Dravid and Ganguly, so the Oval groundsman had better get to work with the hosepipe.

LEEDS 0 Sunderland 1. I could almost see Bob Stokoe rushing on to the Wembley pitch to hug Jimmy Montgomery at the end of the 1973 FA Cup final.

The same result 29 years later might not have quite the same impact, but hopefully it will halt references to Peter Reid as a beleaguered boss.

The transfer speculation stories have given him more irons in the fire than the Newmarket blacksmith, and after two goalless performances it seemed his inability to land a striker would cost him dear.

Now after Wednesday's win there's hope, and while I have no allegiance to the Mackems the result I most want to see tomorrow is Sunderland several Man United 0.

NATIONAL Hunt jockey Tony McCoy doesn't just break records, he obliterates them. After sweeping past Sir Gordon Richards' apparently unassailable mark of 269 winners in a season last year, he has now passed Richard Dunwoody's record of 1,699 career winners.

McCoy has been riding since 1994 and is only 28, while most previous holders of the record had careers lasting around 15 years. On that basis, and given his dedication and amazing appetite for success, 3,000 winners must be within his compass.

His 1,700th winner came at Uttoxeter aboard a horse called Mighty Montefalco, trained by Jonjo O'Neill, who 20 years ago as a jockey set the record for most jump winners in a season with 149. Nowadays McCoy beats that figure well before Christmas.