A wondrous week in Scotland, thanks, the serried gentlemen of the tartan tabloids more upset than at any time since that unfortunate business at Bannockburn.

"Vogts of no confidence" remains the most popular allusion to the Faroese fiasco, though the Scotsman's reference to a "post-Krankies low" in national self-esteem may bomb at Darlington Civic Theatre, where they still love the ageing wee scunners.

Back in time for FA Cup day, ten Albany Northern League teams £7,500 richer after first qualifying round wins - it's actually the third - and none more joyous than West Auckland.

We looked in at 7pm, Mr Cliff Alderson and Mr Allen Bayles - the Midnight Cowboy - just locking up the clubhouse. Mrs Bayles may wish to know, therefore, that this was one occasion on which the Cowboy really could blame the column for being late in for his tea.

For additional reference to honesty being the best policy, see under Bulldog Billy Teesdale, below.

West's win may not have particularly been appreciated in Wrexham, however, where the local evening paper's "Road to Cardiff" feature began with Winsford - those well known Welshmen - moved to Chorley and now finds itself an awfully long way from home.

The club has another big day on September 30, when Sunderland's long-awaited return to the Durham Challenge Cup is marked by the Reserves' visit to Darlington Road.

Les Nevison - industrious committee man since 1963, pleased as a pension book by 7.45pm - recalls that they last met in the 1968 Challenge Cup final at Feethams.

The likes of Sharkey, Rooks and McLaughlin were in Sunderland's side, Scottish international Harry Hood scored twice in their 3-2 win. Les anticipates a big gate. More than that, he said, he anticipates revenge.

The West side story was merely a prologue, however, to the main event up the road in Evenwood.

Kimblesworth, Esh Winning and Evenwood could all have won the Durham County Cricket league on its final day; Evenwood took the title for the first time since 1979 by knocking off 236 in 40 overs at Tudhoe.

Unlike the Axa-sponsored FA Cup, the prize money is just £100 and a trophy.

"£100 is still very welcome," said Alf Teesdale, the secretary, "but that cup is worth far more to us than that."

Nineteen of the 23 players who'd made first team appearances had grown up through the juniors, among them John Maughan - Evenwood lad - whose 114 runs and 1-13 in 11 overs may considerably have helped the final fling.

The hour's hero is known as Maff, in deference to the pronunciation of his surname which in Co Durham rhymes not with lawn, but with "laughin'."

That Evenwood's juniors retain their enthusiasm had been evidenced at 11.30 the previous evening when, returning from the letter draw at the White Swan, the more senior citizens discovered three of the bairns practising in the middle of the road outside Walters Willson's, the wicketkeeper even wearing his gauntlets.

"Mind," said Kevin Richardson, the club chairman, "we've good street lights in Evenwood."

Alf Teesdale had been in the re-formed side that won the Mid-Durham Senior League third division in 1966, alongside Dennis Waistell - whose dog became a much valued ball finder general - and Alan Welsh, back on Saturday night to join another knees up.

Bulldog Billy, oddly absent from the 1966 picture, celebrated characteristically. Though things got a bit boisterous in the Swan, you could tell he was lying because his mouth was open.

His son, chip off a rather different block, now plays in the first team instead. "Young Billy hasn't the same manner as his dad," said Uncle Alf, inarguably.

Amid it all, there was a handsome call from Michael Fishwick. Kimblesworth's Australian pipped at the post professional. "You were the better team," he said.

Elsewhere, no doubt, followers of the North-East's battered big three wept bitter buckets into their beer or echoed the Vogts of no confidence. At Evenwood, and at West Auckland, they celebrated what sport is about.

Tow Law Town won £7,500, too, 5-4 against Matlock from the UniBond.

Folk are after the windfall already - a fishy business, if ever. As often happens up there, a defender had hoofed the ball out of the ground and into the gardens of Weardale Crescent, halfway to Wolsingham.

The home owner subsequently appeared, bearing two carrier bags. One held the missing ball, the other two koi carp (deceased.)

The ball, he said, had landed from a great height in his fish pond, literally scaring the life out of its unfortunate occupants. The fish, kois will be kois, were worth £25 each, he insisted - pay up and they'd get their ball back.

"The only fish we've ever known in Tow Law come battered with sixpennorth of chips," says club treasurer Kevin McCormick, the local bookie.

You couldn't, adds Kevin, get odds on a ball not only landing in the pond but despatching the ones who didn't get away.

Scales of justice delicately weighted, the Lawyers now have their missing ball and plan to make a neighbourly offer.

"We have to be careful," says Kevin, big fish in a small pool. "We might want our ball back again."

A1 traffic being what it is, Southport's under 18 side found themselves delayed on the road to last week's FA Youth Cup tie at Chester-le-Street.

They'd finally reached Bowburn, just eight miles away, when the coach driver announced that his permitted hours were up and insisted on a statutory 60 minutes rest.

The lads warmed up in the motorway services car park, the match finally kicked off at 9pm. "If there'd been extra-time and penalties we'd have been there until midnight," says our youthful informant.

There wasn't. After all that waiting for a bus, the Lancashire lads lost 6-1.

The FA has changed the way that referees are appointed to non-league matches. The teething troubles hurt like hell. Graham Smith, a Wallsend based linesman, had a telephone call from Kingstonian and a letter confirming his appointment from Whyteleafe FC, also in Surrey. They even enclosed a map of how to get to the ground. "They took a fair bit of convincing," says Graham, "that I wasn't coming from Wallsend."

Headlined in puny print, a Daily Telegraph leader on September 11 not only reminded its readers that Yorkshire and England hero Michael Vaughan was born across the Pennines in Manchester, but recalled the days when the Tykes were more choosy.

Cecil Parkin, said by Bill Frindall to have been one of cricket's great eccentrics, made a single Yorkshire appearance in 1906 before they discovered that he'd been born in Eaglescliffe, Co Durham - "20 yards outside the county boundary" insists the ever-meticulous Mr Frindall.

Parkin was sacked - a borderline case, it might be said - spending eight years in league cricket before joining Lancashire and making ten England appearances.

England eventually dispensed with his services after outspoken criticism of his captain in one of the popular prints - a Tyke in sheep's clothing.

... and finally

It was in 1924-25 that Hartlepools United met Newcastle United in the first round of the FA Cup (Backtrack, September 6), the Magpies "somewhat fortunate" - says Ron Hails - to win 4-1.

Before proceeding, we should also acknowledge a mistake in the previous poser, and with thanks to both Steve Leonard and Ron Langston. South Shields' Football League home was Horsley Hill not, as we said, Simonside Hall.

Stirred by mention of his beloved home town, Hails of Hartlepool - top of the third division - invites the identity of nine former Hartlepool managers who've appeared in an FA Cup final.

The column returns on Friday, Like the pleasure of North-East grass roots sport, the one you have to come back for.

Published: 17/09/2002