Many people believe domestic violence affects only women but, in nine out of ten cases, children are present in the same or next room. Women's Editor Christen Pears reports.

ANDREA was just 11 when she started drinking neat vodka; now 18, she is a heroin addict and a prostitute in Middlesbrough. Her 12-year-old brother John is playing truant regularly, smoking and drinking, while his younger sister, Philippa, has started hurting herself. She's only ten but she cuts herself with knives and bites her own arms until they bleed.

Their mother, Karen, blames herself. Twenty-one years ago, aged 14, she met and fell in love with Paul. Three months into the relationship, he started seeing another girl - a pattern that continued over the years - and when she questioned him about it, he became violent.

She says: "I've had a table broken over my back, mirrors and phones smashed over my head - everything. I was hit with Hoovers - upright Hoovers - you name it, anything he could get his hands on. What I didn't realise at the time was how everything was affecting the kids - witnessing me getting a good hiding, after good hiding after good hiding."

Paul has left Karen and is now living with another woman but in April 2001, after eight months away, he turned up unexpectedly at the family home in Middlesbrough, very drunk. "I was very wary of him. I think I put the kettle on, went to pick up the teapot and he just knocked it out of my hands. It went up in the air and just missed him. And that was it. You know, you just know, that you're going to get it.

"John was hysterical. He actually fell off the bench with shock. He was ten at the time and he'd seen it all before - since birth. And you don't realise how much your kids remember. Andrea, for instance, has brought up stuff from when she was two years old. She remembers me running through the estate with no shoes on, just my bra and a pair of pyjama shorts, covered in blood."

PAUL put his hands around Karen's neck and squeezed. She says she has never been so terrified, even during the worst beatings.

"I could feel my eyes roll up. I still feel to this day I was half gone. If it hadn't been for John who jumped on his back shouting, 'Gerroff my mam, you dickhead...' And he let go then. If he hadn't, God help me, I wouldn't be here today. But you don't realise at the time what your children suffer."

Up until then, she had struggled to keep the family together. Brought up by a single mum herself, Karen wanted her children to have a father, but what happened that night made her realise just how damaging her decision had had been.

"I just wanted to keep the family together regardless, and the kids never said 'leave him, throw him out, we're sick of this,' because he was their dad and they worshipped him. The guilt I feel is tremendous. The hardest thing I've ever done is admit it. It's all my fault, of course, it's my fault. A mother's first duty is to protect her kids, so why didn't I?"

Andrea, John and Philippa are just three of the hundreds of children who suffer serious emotional damage as a result of witnessing domestic violence. As politicians consider the implications of the report into the death of Victoria Climbie, the charity is urging the Government to do more to protect children. It is also launching a report, Bitter Legacy, which uses material gathered from Barnardo's projects to show just how devastating its effects can be.

One young boy describes how he clung to his mother's side while she was being battered and another confesses that he was so distressed by the violence he witnessed that he threatened to take his own life. In nine out of ten cases of domestic violence, children are present in the same or next room and in half of the cases of violence between adults, there is violence against children too.

Barnardo's aims to alleviate the long-term effects of domestic violence on children through counselling and family support services. Some projects offer practical help such as advice on housing, financial and legal issues. There is counselling for children to help them talk though their feelings and experiences, as well as plays sessions, after-school clubs and outings. The charity also works with men who have been violent towards their partners with the aim of helping them change their behaviour.

Alan Coombe, Barnardo's principal policy officer, says: "Even when the child is not physically hit, domestic violence is an abuse of children. It is pervasive and long lasting. The distress of children witnessing violence is real and often leads to devastating, lasting effects.

'This is an issue for all of us and needs to be a priority of a government concerned with violence. Not only should any legislative change protect these children somehow, but also the National Curriculum should provide children with an education about relationships from a very early age. Respect for each other and non-violent approaches to conflict should characterise all our children's learning."

Karen is doing all she can to help her children and is receiving help from Barnardo's, although she is worried she has failed in her duty as a parent with Andrea. "I ask her if she wants help but she doesn't She says: 'Mam, it's the best buzz you can ever have in your life. You feel so happy. Everybody loves you.

"It'll get to the stage where she'll get so many good hidings off punters, she might decide to get some help. I mean, she's had many a black eye and I know that's down to me. She watched me take it."

Philippa is attending counselling with Barnardo's and Karen has put John's name down for sessions because it has helped his sister so much.

Karen says: "Phil got involved with Barnardo's when the school couldn't cope with her. She was labelled. First, they said she had special needs, then they said she was neglected. They said all sorts of things. Counselling is working really well for Phil. She's a lot more self-confident and takes more pride in herself. I feel a glow around her when she comes out of the room. She skips. Phil's never skipped. I think it's because she's got someone to talk to, who listens, who gives her all their attention, who helps.

"In the meantime, I'm encouraging John to write things down, things he can't talk about. It'll help. It helps me."