Sexual bribery on the home front

AFTER the unmissable Wife Swap, Channel 4 tries to make amends with a programme about keeping couples together. Hidden cameras observe them at home around the clock. Then the footage is scrutinised by the experts in what's described as "a relationship MOT".

Divorce lawyer Vanessa Lloyd Platt and psychotherapist Malcolm Stern were certainly an entertaining pair as they commented on Jimmy and Katy, although you couldn't help thinking that most of the time they were simply stating the obvious.

Jimmy and Katy, who'd been together ten years, may not have had the perfect relationship, but I'm unsure how it was helped by Katy admitting on camera that her partner didn't met her sexual needs.

Vanessa's solution was couched in tabloid terms: "You have got to pick her up, throw her on the bed and do the business."

If only the couple could communicate like that, they'd have no worries. But then, if everyone takes Vanessa's advice, she's going to put herself out of a job if everybody lives happily ever and nobody wants a divorce.

Household chores was one tricky issue that arose. Katy does 95 per cent of them although she, like Jimmy, works full-time. She did most of the cleaning and shopping, although the cameras spotted him making 20 cups of tea during the course of filming.

His behaviour reflects the opinion of most men in Britain who think women should be doing such chores. Cameras caught a familiar scene - the woman is busy in the kitchen while the man sits down saying,: "Why don't you sit down?".

This annoyed Vanessa. "Why do men always do that?," she asked. I can visualise thousands of women up and down the land nodding in agreement.

"Why don't you go and help her?," Vanessa shouted at the TV monitor.

Her solution was that Katy should say, in a vampish way, something along the lines of, "Darling, help me and we'll do unspeakable things later." What some might call manipulation, Vanessa calls forward planning.

Lack of communication was the main problem for Jimmy and Katy. They spent 95 per cent of the evening together, sitting on the sofa watching TV. Again, I can see the nods of recognition from people at home

Their quality time together after a day's work is to sit like zombies in front of the box - not watching programmes like Made For Each Other, I hope.