It should have been the perfect night out but when Michelle invited her date back for coffee, he raped her in her own home. Women's Editor Christen Pears reports.

MICHELLE feels guilty, she feels stupid and she feels ashamed. During our interview, she never sits still. She fiddles with her rings or tugs at her hair. She's constantly replaying events in her mind, trying to work out why she was raped by a man she was dating.

The 36-year-old now lives in Durham but at the time of the attack in May last year, was working in an estate agent's office in Newcastle. She would sometimes see Steve who worked in one of the company's other offices. In his 40s, she describes him as "quite good looking, a bit of a charmer".

"Every time he came in, we used to have a bit of a chat. He'd come and sit on my desk if I wasn't busy while he was waiting to see our boss. It didn't happen a lot but I used to enjoy seeing him and flirting with him," she says.

The relationship moved onto a new level when the pair met at a colleague's birthday party. They spent the evening chatting and Steve asked Michelle out for a drink.

"I had been divorced a couple of years before and I hadn't really been out with anyone for ages but I really wanted to go out with him because we got on so well."

They went out twice, just for meals, and never got any further than kissing. "He was very gentlemanly," she says.

And then in May last year, they went out again. "It wasn't any different from the other times. We went for something to eat and I was living in Newcastle at the time so he drove me home afterwards. I invited him in for a coffee but then he started to kiss me when we were sitting on the sofa together. That was fine but I didn't want it to go any further and he obviously did. He started pulling my top off. I made a joke of it at first and told him to stop but he just wouldn't. To be honest, it was so unbelievable I didn't really struggle. I was just stunned.

"Afterwards, he just got up and said goodnight. I was left sitting on the sofa. I didn't cry or anything because I just couldn't take it in. You think rape is about a stranger, someone who attacks you when you're out in the street on your own but this was someone I knew and liked."

Michelle heard nothing from Steve until the following evening when he sent her a text message telling her he thought they should stop seeing each other. She admits she was relieved.

'I couldn't face the thought of seeing him again," she says, but the enormity of what happened only began to sink in after a few days.

"Some bruises came up on my arms and every time I looked at them, I just felt sick. It got to the stage where I was thinking about it all the time. I would wake up every day and it was the first thing that came into my head.

"I was terrified of going into work in case he came into the office but when he did eventually, he pretty much ignored me. It was like nothing had happened. I was so angry but I didn't have the guts to say anything to him."

She told one of her friends what had happened, who advised her to report it to the police, but Michelle was reluctant.

"I felt so stupid. I had asked him in to my house. I didn't think anyone would believe me about what happened. It's not like he was some faceless stranger. I think I could even have dealt with that better but because I knew Steve, I wondered what I had done to deserve that."

Eventually, her friend persuaded her to go to the police. They were sympathetic, she says, but although they questioned Steve, they said the case would never come to court.

"There just wasn't any evidence, especially as it was four months later. It was my word against his. If I'd gone straightaway and had forensic tests, then maybe they could have prosecuted him but it's too late now."

Unfortunately, Michelle isn't alone. Ninety-seven per cent of women who call the Rape Crisis Federation say they know their assailant but less than seven per cent report the assault. Women are most commonly raped by current or ex-husbands or partners and 50 per cent of attacks occur in the home of the woman or the rapist.

Sue Griffiths, press officer for the Rape Crisis Federation, says: "Sadly, this isn't unusual. The most recent figures from the British Crime Survey show that only 18 to 20 per cent of rapes and sexual assaults are reported compared with just over half of all other crimes. We know a lot of women feel it isn't worth reporting.

"Others, like this woman, feel guilt and shame. They feel they're responsible for the man's behaviour. We need to get the message across, not only to women but to society as a whole, that this is not the case. Men are responsible for their own behaviour."

She believes that rapists manipulate the common myths about rape, turning them to their advantage. "They are aware that if there is a link between them and the victim, it is probably harder to bring the case to court or get a conviction. A lot of rapists strike up a friendship with the woman or spend time with her, and that makes it much more difficult for her to report it."

She adds: "I'm not saying that everyone should report. Some women just feel they can't but if they can, even if nothing happens in their case, it may help other women because they may not be his only victims."

Michelle has left her job and moved to Durham but she says she's finding it hard to get her life back on track.

"When something like that happens, it just turns everything on its head. You can't trust anyone any more and you start to doubt yourself. I know I made a mistake not reporting it at the time. Nothing gives a man the right to do that to you but now it looks like he'll get away with it."

* The names in this article have been changed.

* You can contact the Rape Crisis Federation on 0115 9003560.