COLD Feet star and father-of-two James Nesbitt, who cheated on his wife with a series of women, says he is an idiot and is now ready to change his ways. At least he's right on one count.

Explaining away his infidelities, he recalls his mother telling him: "You're only one age all your life", adding he has always been 17. Well, what a cop out. I bet Mrs Nesbitt was one of those unbearably doting, over-indulgent mothers who always made excuses for young James's misdemeanours, assuring him he was never to blame.

Like that great role model Jim Davidson, who once said all men were still children, Nesbitt makes himself out to be like a carefree teenager having a bit of harmless fun. You can almost see the doe-eyed child in him pleading: "It wasn't my fault mum."

In reality of course, he's just a father who's selfish and feckless. And that's not quite so charming. We all have the child we once were inside us still. But that is no excuse for acting like a spoiled brat, especially when we have real children to care for.

Nesbitt says he's sorry and I believe him. He's sorry he's been caught.

THE British National Party is being accused of trying to hoodwink voters into thinking it has gone respectable by putting up more than 20 "soft" women candidates in local council elections in areas including Stockton, Newcastle and Sunderland. But surely voters aren't that easily fooled. We accept women can scale mountains and climb to the top of the professions. Unfortunately, we are also just as capable as men of being thuggish and racist. It's called equality and it cuts both ways.

DISHING out tea the other night, my vegetarian son asked if he could have gravy on his mashed potato like his brothers. The ingredients list on the Bisto Gravy Granules packet, featuring a picture of roast beef, didn't include meat, so I rang and asked. Like most Bisto products, it is suitable for vegetarians, I was told. Only the beef-flavoured one, the man informed me, isn't, because: "I think it has chicken in it." I've since found out that Seabrook's Beefy and Canadian Ham flavoured crisps have no meat in them either. Confusing, yes, but my vegetarian son is happy. Now I'm wondering if any of the vegetable flavoured foods he eats include meat.

WASN'T it a little rash of the Government's top military commander to state this week that Britain's Armed Forces should avoid war for two years because they have been overstretched and equipment needs time to recover from the Iraqi campaign? He may as well have added: "Come and get us." Admiral Sir Michael Boyce may have thought he was making a strong case for more resources. I hope bin Laden wasn't listening.

THE Government's enthusiastic campaign to get us all to eat five portions of fruit and vegetables a day has been a dismal failure, according to a survey. Britons have turned their backs on fresh greens for a diet of takeaways and processed food. Like the parents who manage to get their teenage daughter to dump her totally unsuitable boyfriend by telling her they think he's wonderful, perhaps the Government should try reverse psychology. Ban us from ever eating cabbage and broccoli ever again and see what happens.