Will we ever hear the name Queen Camilla?

Camilla - The Uncrowned Queen (five)

THIS documentary conjured up intriguing images - not least the thought of a future Queen carrying out official duties with a fag hanging from her lip.

Camilla was a 20 a day woman (cigarettes, not men), famous for cadging smokes off others rather than buying her own. Prince Charles got together with her despite her nicotine breath, so it must be love.

Her smoking habits were among the facts unearthed by the programme, which had to make do with trivia as discovering the truth about Charles and Camilla is as likely as finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

So we learnt that Camilla swears and tells dirty jokes in private. The f-word is acceptable in hunting circles - is that f for fox? - but not on public occasions.

She's had the same hair colourist for 20 years, going every six weeks or so. As for her looks, royal commentators claim she has a "very earthy, sexual element". She's not photogenic (an observation even Blind Pugh would have made) but can light up a room, a handy trick if the Queen's forgotten to put money in the meter.

It could be said that Camilla was only following the family tradition by taking up with Charles, as her great-grandmother Alice Keppel was the mistress of the Prince of Wales, later Edward VII.

The most interesting aspect is wondering what the heir to the throne sees in her. They have a common interest in horses, of course. "He's a very good rider," we were told. "His strongest point is versatility. He can get on any horse and ride it well."

Perhaps what Charles liked at the start was Camilla's refusal to treat him like other women - or, for that matter, other subjects - treated him. When they first met at a polo match, she didn't bob or curtsy to him like other people.

She's become his crutch, his emotional support for many years. His marriage to Diana was a minor inconvenience to their relationship, rather like her marriage to Captain Andrew Parker-Bowles. Soon both were staying together under the Queen Mother's Scottish roof while both were married to other people.

Where Camilla, whose legacy from her grandfather meant she never needed to consider working, lost out was in the public relations battle with Diana. Her rival in Charles' overcrowded marriage was more adept at manipulating press coverage to gain sympathy.

Camilla, according to five's body language expert, was less sure of her position. By the time of the Queen Mother's funeral, the Queen's attitude to her son's mistress was beginning to soften and she was pushed into accepting Camilla.

The programme concluded that the jury is still out on whether Queen Camilla will ever sit on the throne next to King Charles. There is a degree of public acceptance, but members of the public who championed Diana still leave less-than-flattering messages for Camilla - mutterings about beauty and the beast - among flowers and notes of remembrance outside royal residences.

Will they ever wed? At least one royal observer is convinced there's a letter in a drawer at St James's Palace announcing the engagement of Charles and Camilla. It's only a matter of time before the Queen is asked to approve its release.