APPARENTLY the latest craze sweeping the world is hundreds gathering to carry out a random pointless act, like going into an electrical shop at closing time and eating a banana.

While you can argue the merits of wasting the time of shop assistants against the benefits of healthy eating (and I'm aware of other banana uses thank you very much) the most common RPA remains watching British television.

Top of the list this week was That'll Teach 'Em (C4, Tuesday) where schoolchildren of 2003 were taken back to 1953. Apart from the fact no English teacher of the day would accept the programme's title, there was no threat of "the cane" (abolished in the early 1990s) to bring back the true terror of schooling from 50 years ago.

"I can't see the point of this. These teachers are behaving like bullies and the children are just confused. Most of them are only there so they can be on television," said my wife as another reality TV series fell short of what would once be described as a wizard wheeze. The fact that 1950s classroom activity had to be based around boarding school life of the time distanced itself even further from "the greatest days of our lives" experienced by the majority of people aged 60 and over. The world of Just William meets Greyfriars is likely to hold little interest for the silver-haired surfers of Spanish retirement, let alone today's Sugababes set.

An unexpected hit was Married To Maggie: Denis Thatcher's Story (C4, Sunday). Gems like "whales are only harpooned when they spout" seem like pretty good advice to today's spokespeople at No 10 from the only male consort to a British Prime Minister. Denis even ignored a punch in the stomach during the General Election in which his wife swept to power. That either makes him a very brave man or someone who daren't make a fuss in front of the Iron Lady.

My own version of female authority hid her face in fear on two occasions. Once was for the facial surgery in What Are You Staring At? (BBC2, Wednesday) and again in Arnold Schwarzenegger: Made in Britain (C4, Thursday) as the world's best-known muscleman was shown posing. I'm afraid she described Mr S as disgusting, so I'd better be alert to men in dark glasses knocking on our door and reminding me "I'll be back". The star of The Terminator series is currently trying to muscle his way into politics as Governor of California.

"Why do they make him out to be a nice guy and then say nasty things about him?" queried my wife as Arnie's womanising and "marry a Kennedy" boasts were racked up against him. It was no more of a freak show than the contemporary art "before, during and after" pictures done to raise money for surgeon Iain Hutchison as he was shown battling to correct disfigurement in What Are You Staring At? Journalist Vikki Lucas, who has the rare genetic condition cherubism, argued that society should accept people as they are. Sadly, the random banana skins of life are against her.

Published: 09/08/2003