WOULD you trust a man who told you he'd had the contraceptive jab? Now stop laughing.

No, neither would I. Would you trust your partner to get the jab? Mmm, well, possibly. If you actually saw him having it done, perhaps.

Scientists have developed a male contraceptive which was 100 per cent effective in trials. At least it's a four times a year jab and not a once a day pill. None of us would trust a man to take a pill.

Most of them have enough problems remembering where their clean socks live.

Male memory is a fragile thing. Grand National winners for the last umpteen years - easy peasy. Who scored the winning goal in the 1971 FA Cup final - no problem.

But a pill every day? Forget it. Which is exactly what they would do. Leaving us holding the baby - probably literally.

But I can't see most men queuing up for the new jab either.

Sure, a few will. The sort of men with steady relationships and responsible attitudes who might otherwise have had a vasectomy. For them it will be a real boon. But those men are still the exception.

Most women will continue to take responsibility for contraception, simply because we are the ones who have most to lose - or gain, really.

And it's bound to end in tears - or court.

Men have already prevented women from having access to frozen embryos, denying them the chance to have a child. How much more power will they have with the male contraceptive?

They can have the jab and not tell women - raising their hopes but not fulfilling them. And when the women find out they've been duped, there will be a spate of court cases.

Or they can pretend they've had it and be lying. In which case we can look forward to another spate of court cases, this time from pregnant women or children who wished they hadn't been born.

Who knows what genie might be unleashed from this latest bottle?

Back in the 1960s, the female pill was just a contraceptive. But first of all, it changed women's lives and then had a knock-on effect to change family life, the economy and much of western society.

What on earth will the male jab do?

SO now texting on a mobile phone is said to be addictive and people are checking into the Priory to be cured. Could they not (a) have a little self control or (b) throw their phones away? A lot less drastic and cheaper, too.

But maybe text message addicts are also addicted to spending too much money on things they don't need.

MEANWHILE, there has been yet another story of a dramatic rescue thanks to a text message. This time, it was someone stranded in blizzard conditions on top of a Swiss mountain who sent a text to an English friend who raised the alarm. Other people have been rescued form other mountains, oceans, jungles and far flung corners of the world.

So if mobile phones work so brilliantly there, why is most of Swaledale still out of reach and why can I never get a signal at home, a mere mile from Scotch Corner?

It comes to something when you'd be better off on top of a Swiss mountain in a blizzard.

IT is, to a large extent, our fault. We have turned silly, immature young men into gods, simply because they can kick a ball well. We heap them with ridiculous sums of money, turn them into superstars, walk around with their names on our backs, copy their hair styles and watch their every move on television.

Is it any surprise they think that the normal rules of life no longer apply to them?

The stories coming out after the rape accusation are sordid, squalid and depressing. Now we have more stories and rumours of drug taking. Every week we see increasing viciousness - and just plain nastiness - on the pitch. And that's before we start on the behaviour of the fans.

So can we now please stop kidding ourselves that it's a noble sport? And can we also please stop calling it "The Beautiful Game".

For there's been precious little beauty in football in recent weeks.

SEEN on a sign in a Gateshead cafe: "Full English breakfast on a plate."

Which makes you wonder, really, about the alternative.

DIANA Lamplugh has been an inspiration to us all. When her daughter, estate agent Suzy, vanished, never to be found again, Diana launched a campaign in her memory. The Suzy Lamplugh Trust promotes a practical, common sense approach to women's safety in particular and people's safety in general.

Diana has used a personal tragedy for the public good - a remarkable achievement.

Now, following a stroke and the onset of Alzheimer's Disease, Diana has had to stand down from the trust but her daughter's name, and the good work, will continue.

She has raised awareness and has almost certainly saved lives - an excellent memorial.

SAD news last week when we heard of the death of Peter Gates in a traffic accident on the A19 near Northallerton.

Peter, 52, was until fairly recently regional manager for Marks & Spencer, based in the MetroCentre store. He was a smashing chap.

Getting information out of the company's press office in London was a nightmare of answer phones, unreturned calls and offhand, uninformed replies.

So most of the regional press would ring Peter instead. He was endlessly patient, always helpful, refreshingly honest and great fun.

Never one to hide behind a desk, he was frequently found out in the store, the smooth line of his M&S suits spoiled by pockets full of notes he made when talking to customers.

He was that rare combination of a good company man who was also his own man.

He left M&S to indulge his passion for posh cars by working as a driver delivering Ferraris and died when he was a passenger in a car that was in collision with a tractor.

Someone who will be missed.

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Published: ??/??/2003