HAVING just joined the ranks of Britain's motorists, my youngest son's first piece of TV-inspired motoring knowledge is that the signal to lock or unlock your vehicle travels further if you operate the electronic device next to your skull.

Apparently this gem came from Top Gear (BBC1, Sunday), now de rigueur viewing for any baby driver.

I think we'll quickly move on from thoughts of what constantly doing this does to the brain and flash forward to his second worrying moment of the week inspired by Horizon (BBC2, Thursday).

Expert opinion was offered in The Big Chill opening episode that global warming will trigger a new ice age for Britain in 20 years.

I think it was the sight of snowed-in vehicles from 1962 - the last great winter - which really worried my family's new car owner. "Where will we go?" he asked. I've got to be honest, I'll take my chances at sub-zero after 50 minutes of bewhiskered scientists trying to bore us to death.

As next week's Horizon offers us a coded message from The Bible that the Earth will end in three years, the whole subject is quite academic.

My wife spent the week stoically refusing to watch any new programmes at all. Celebrity Wife Swap (C4)? "I can't stand that awful Jade Goody." Prime Suspect (ITV1)? "Dead bodies on slabs.. uuggh." Louis And The Brothel (BBC2)? "Well, you would suggest something like that."

We were definitely heading back for another week of Five Things I Hate About You (BBC2), the DIY version, when I sneaked on a taped version of Living The Dream (BBC2, Tuesday) - the first of a four-part series about families jetting off for new lives in the sun.

Do I need to tell you my wife had fallen asleep watching Horizon? Probably not, but the first bickerings of the Fyke family as they revealed a half-baked scheme to buy a bar/restaurant on the Algarve saw one eye opening.

Soon we were deep in dilemmas as 50somethings Graeme and Sue, son Simon, daughter-in-law Mandy and the younger couple's two children flew out from Nottingham to Portugal.

Buying a place called the Mona Lisa on the seafront should have told them something, but soon they were negotiating with the owner for contract extensions as money from England was delayed. "God, she's as hard as nails," commented my wife as the newcomers took an ear-bashing for potential customers walking away because the owner had been busy talking to them.

We also saw the good, the bad and the ugly side of reality TV. Series producer Ruth Shurman has admitted that the programme deliberately looked for people who were likely to run into problems. Incredibly, all stroke-sufferer Graeme Fyfe had thought about was sitting in the sun while his wife and family ran the business.

Soon he and Sue had shed several stone as they learnt on-the-job how to produce scores of fried breakfasts for hungry holidaymakers.

The programme producers wheeled out Brits abroad who gave dire warnings about poor profits, hard slog, family disputes and never closing down to redecorate. Yet, after eight weeks, the Fyfes has fallen on their feet by making enough to see them through the off-season months.

I wonder if they'll need ice delivered by a driver who has a way with electronic devices?

Published: 15/11/2003