Gunpowder, Treason And Plot (BBC2), Murder In Suburbia (ITV1), Ant And Dec's Saturday Takeaway (ITV1), Travels With My Unfit Mother (BBC2): THERE are certain rules royalty must learn - etiquette, ordering servants about, living the good life and, of course, enjoying executions.

Mary, Queen of Scots was having trouble with the last one in Gunpowder, Treason And Plot, the first part of Jimmy McGovern's historical series. Coming from the writer of Cracker and Hillsborough, you expected more than you got. Surely, the sole reason for yet another series about Mary, Elizabeth and (next week) James is to put a different spin on a story we've seen and heard before.

This was entertaining, if underpowered, stuff from Daniela Nardini's Lady Huntly advocating the "powerful thighs of my son" as an inducement to Mary to marry the lad to the same woman cursing her, nearly two hours later, with the words, "May you die in the manner of my son".

The lack of budget became all-too-apparent when an army had to be raised and appeared barely big enough to hide behind a small bush. And some dialogue was surprisingly basic. When Mary promised her champion Bothwell (Kevin McKidd, the best thing in it) whatever he wanted, he replied, "I want you naked in ma bed".

Murder In Suburbia - the first of two new ITV1 series about police duos this week - lived up to its title, being murder to watch. Caroline Catz and Lisa Faulkner are detectives whose intelligence is undermined by having them constantly talk about getting boyfriends. They'll be discussing fashion and cooking next.

"Don't you need a warrant?" asked one character.

"Don't you need a haircut?" replied another in an example of the witty repartee on offer.

Thank goodness for the return of everyone's favourite entertainers Ant and Dec, who single-handedly (or should that be, double-handedly) breathed new life into the corpse known as Saturday night TV.

One of the many good things about the "cheeky Geordie duo" (copyright Ant and Dec) is that they're not afraid to take the mickey out of themselves. They opened by conducting a survey into reports that 70 per cent of the public don't know which is Ant and which is Dec.

Even more puzzled than people asked to identify which was which, was Hollywood star Kevin Costner when quizzed by pint-sized interrogators Little Ant and Dec. His baffled look said "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" as they put a cowboy hat on his head, tied him to his chair and danced round him wearing feather head-dresses.

I'm unclear whether Travels With My Unfit Mother was meant to be therapy or entertainment.

In the 1970s Anne Robinson had a booze problem, was declared an unfit mother and lost custody of her two-year-old daughter. The documentary followed mother, now the Queen of Mean thanks to TV's Weakest Link, and daughter Emma, a radio presenter in the US, on a road trip through America.

Their differing attitudes to life, love and money led to not-unexpected antagonistic exchanges. This was all very well for them but viewers felt rather left out of this personal journey.

Emma, at least, seemed to have cracked the secret of their relationship. "I love her at a distance, preferably 3,000 miles," she said.

Published: ??/??/2003