THE love that dared not speak its name in Weatherfield finally finds a voice in Coronation Street (ITV1) as troubled Todd Grimshaw emerges tentatively from the closet.

Until now the idea of anyone batting for the other side was as likely as Tracy Barlow being named mother of the year. But, after dipping his toe into the gay pool by giving Nick (I'm too sexy for my shirt) Tilsley a peck on the cheek, Todd puckers up for a full-frontal snog with Karl the gay nurse.

Well, it's Karl's birthday, and during the celebrations the pair end up locking lips on a night out in Manchester's gay area, Canal Street.

Until now, Todd has been confused about his sexuality. Some men can't decide what colour tie to wear. Todd can't decide which sex he likes. Indecision is his middle name.

He abandoned plans to go to university to set up house with schoolgirl mum Sarah and get her pregnant. Of course, the prospect of Gail the hamster as a mother-in-law is enough to drive anyone into Karl's arms.

The Grimshaw brothers are an odd pair. Todd's randy brother Jason has got it into his thick head that he's attractive to older women, after a housewife threw caution and her dressing gown to the wind and offered him more than a cup of tea.

In what can only be described as an act of folly, Jason made a pass at Gail. This can only mean one thing - he needs glasses and a good talking to. Now she takes revenge. Nothing, though, could be as bad as if she'd responded to his advances.

Mad Maya gets fed up with Tyrone's dog Monica - what kind of name is that for a dog? - and kidnaps the poor animal. She jokes that she's killed and buried the poor canine. With jokes like that she'll be replacing Bernard Manning at this rate. Would it be asking too much for someone to kidnap Maya and bury her?

Walford's old folk packs their buckets and spades and head for the seaside in EastEnders (BBC1). What happens make a Club 18-30 holiday look like a church outing. Patrick climbs into bed with Dot, Jim buys Dot a dress she doesn't like, Derek spends the night with an ex-boyfriend, and Patrick asks Yolande to marry him for tax reasons.

Pauline puts on her best cardie and attracts the eye of an attractive, but obviously short-sighted, stranger at the holiday camp. Little does she know that bad news is around the corner. Back in the Square, son Martin receives a call telling him that brother Mark Fowler is dead. He has succumbed to a rare soap disease that affects characters who have left the series and can't return before they've found employment elsewhere.

Charity is freed on appeal in Emmerdale (ITV1) after selling her baby to Zoe the lesbian ex-vet and former arsonist, druggie, schizophrenic and occasional heterosexual. In return, Zoe says nice things about Charity in the witness box.

Marlon continues to grow a beard to compete in the Osama Bin Laden lookalike competition, all part of his grieving for wife Trisha. He's obsessed with the girl who was given her heart. She calls the police to have him taken away, although she should think herself lucky she didn't receive Trisha's brain. If she had, she wouldn't be able to count up to 9-9-9.

And young Victoria is struck dumb after witnessing Robert and Katie canoodling. Goodness knows what would have happened if she'd seen Todd and Karl kissing.

Published: 08/04/2004