'WHAT has David Beckham done wrong?" asked one of the boys, aware of the furore surrounding our national footballing icon. I wished I could tell him that the Beckhams' marriage was nobody's business but their own. But the Beckhams, as Victoria herself said rather bluntly this week, are a business.

And their brand name, which sells everything from glossy magazines to trainers, is their most valuable asset.

I doubt if the supposed scandal will do Beckham's reputation any real harm. No matter what happens, he will still look like a Greek god and play world-class football. But those contrived pictures of the couple frolicking in the snow will do little to stop speculation that the marriage is in trouble. For a start, Posh was smiling. And Posh, as we all know, doesn't do smiles.

The couple complain hectic work schedules keep them apart. But even when Victoria has free time, in the children's school holidays, she chooses to jet off to France with her parents, rather than join her husband in Madrid. Of course, both Victoria and David - who joined his wife on holiday at the last minute after getting compassionate leave - have every right to spend time apart single-mindedly pursuing their own careers.

But they want it all - separate jet-set lifestyles and a happy family life too. Something has to give. Don't their sons Brooklyn and Romeo, constantly shunted about with grandparents and nannies from one airport lounge to another, have some rights too?

I bet they would happily do without the luxury holidays, designer labels and huge entourage of staff if only they could have a bit more time with mum and dad, preferably in one place they could call home.

The perfect, happy, family image that the Beckhams have been desperately trying to sell us is looking more and more unconvincing. It's not that Beckham has done anything wrong so much as that we expected far too much of him, I told my boy. Real life isn't like it appears in the adverts.

SHE put what where? It just didn't make sense, did it? Like so many other people, I wasted many hours trying to fill in the asterisks in the supposed text messages between Becks and his alleged mistress. Perhaps I have led a particularly sheltered life, but I couldn't fill in half of the words. It was more difficult than the Daily Telegraph crossword. In the end, I cracked it. Some of the alleged words must be in Spanish. Now all I have to do is find a fluent Spanish speaker who knows a lot of rude words.

A YORK mother is outraged her teenage daughter has been suspended from school for refusing to fasten the top button of her blouse. "It's ridiculous. She's missing school. It 's an important year. It 's silly and petty," says Paula Snelgrove. Here's a simple solution Mrs Snelgrove: button it.

ITV's Tonight with Trevor McDonald revealed chemicals in the environment, such as perfume, can get into breast milk, exposing babies to harmful toxins. At last, this could give us the excuse we need to socially exclude people who wear the sort of offensive, overwhelming perfumes that don't just get up your nose but linger for days after they've left the room. I was handed change in a shop by a potent perfume wearer the other day and the strong, sweet chemical odour stayed on my hand for hours. Can't we put these people in special sections in restaurants and aeroplanes and out on the street if necessary?