THAT Groundhog Day feeling hits Walford as Vicki Fowler, the girl with the changeable accent, follows mum Michelle and starts seeing a college lecturer old enough to be her father.

At least we should be pleased she's found someone outside the family with whom to sleep in EastEnders (BBC1) rather than lust after her pretend brother Dennis like sister Sharon on the quivering lips.

If they're not careful all this in-breeding will leave them looking like those unpleasant banjo-playing hillbillies in Deliverance.

But Chrissie the curly crimper doesn't approve. She's at a loose end amid all the split ends while husband Dirty Den languishes in Walford Old Offenders Institute as a punishment for website abuse.

Chrissie enlists the help of pin-up boy Dennis to join her on a stakeout outside lecherous lecturer Tommy's home. They're not so much Starsky and Hutch as Wallace and Gromit, but they mean well.

Their vigil is rewarded when they see Tommy kissing a woman who isn't Vicki. Of course, they jump to the wrong conclusion, only to be told that the girl is his daughter.

It's all very inncocent, although in the late lamented Brookside they'd have turned out to be sleeping together.

Andy the gangster continues his plans to take over the Mitchell empire by swindling new wife Sam, the power suit queen. Her guardian angel Minty steps in to warn her against selling The Vic to help Andy - and ends up in hospital for his trouble. Good samaritans tend to get a good kicking in Albert Square rather than thanks and a medal.

Even Sam, not the brightest blonde in the bottle, begins to suspect that Andy is a wrong 'un after discovering his drug-dealing activities. Sign those divorce papers quick, girl.

The Shelley and Charlie on-off romance in Coronation Street (ITV1) is as volatile as the situation in Iraq. UN peacekeepers are needed after Charlie, the lusty builder with the big toolbox, tries it on with no-holds-barred barmaid Liz (and yes, she is wearing another of her peek-a-boo tops).

Shelley chucks out Liz, then Shelley chucks out Charlie, then Shelley takes back Charlie. You know the pattern by now. Just as you know that Jason Grimshaw, whose deep tan makes him look like an overcooked sausage on legs, finds someone new to chat up - Rovers barmaid Violet. The plumber stops rummaging around blocked U-bends to give her the benefit of his experience in replacing a ballcock.

Tracy, who's never going to win mother of the year award, dumps baby Amy on dad Steve McDonald. His wife Karen comes over all mumsy at the sight of the little one as she's longing to have one of her own, although some of us reckon the world doesn't need another supersize McDonald.

It's an unwritten rule in Emmerdale (ITV1) that if you lodge with someone you have to share a bed. No sooner has Scott got his name on the rent book and moved into Dawn's pad than they snogging. My advice to Dawn is to get the first week's payment in advance before taking him to bed.

Elsewhere a mad bull is on the loose in the village. His name is Cain and he's unable to control himself after learning that his teenage daughter Debbie has lost her virginity.

"Where did you last see it?," he demands to know before trying a tougher line of questioning on Andy (who did the dirty deed) and curate Ethan (who wanted to, but stopped at a kiss).

It's a case of Pearl before swine as the old dear's rapist son Frank arrives in the village. He can expect a warm welcome - by being put on top of the bonfire.

Published: 30/09/2004