Auf Wiedersehen, Pet (BBC1)

Constantine: The King Who Lost His Throne (five)

Sobhraj: The Hippie Killer (five)

MOXEY remains calm in the face of bloodthirsty, machete-wielding insurgents storming the British Embassy in central Africa. "Now they're throwing Molotov cocktails," he's told. "Tell them I want mine on the rocks," replies Moxey.

The Auf Wiedersehen boys are back for the last time. In the latest two-parter - concluding tonight - they escape the rioting locals in a helicopter rescue ("very Black Hawk Down," they note) and begin work at the Australian Embassy in Laos.

Things could be better. The gaffer's a woman and the "town is recreational zero unless you like temples". Oz has a sore bum, following an accident on the job - he was having sex with an embassy worker when he "took half a ton of shrapnel up me..." during the riot. You get the picture. He's also desperately looking through the restaurant menu to find the chow mein he had once in Darlington but "I can't remember the number".

Barry has been wrestling with the return of pregnant ex-wife Tatiana and has been taken hostage by bandits during a trip on the Orient-Express. Least it wasn't murder on the Orient Express. Bomber (following the death of actor Pat Roach) has been sent to live happily ever after in Arizona, with the lads raising a glass to his memory.

Otherwise, this is business as usual. It's like meeting an old friend, within a few minutes it's just like old times. There are a few laughs, some sad moments and a spot of drama. I'll be sad to see them go.

A DEPOSED monarch was back in his homeland in Constantine: The King Who Lost His Throne. Kirsty Young was given a rare interview with the ex-king who was deposed at the age of 27 after a military coup. He was exiled and Greece became a republic. He didn't give much away to her. He was a true diplomat.

Constantine and his family have been living in this country ever since, not in a palace but a house in a North London suburb. He's never renounced his status as monarch although the chances of the Olympic gold medallist ruling again are nil. But he did win his case in the European Court after the government stripped him of his passport and made him apply for Greek citizenship.

Back in Greece for the first time in 40 years, he and his family strolled casually and unprotected around Athens, being welcomed back by the public. History tells us that deposed monarchs aren't usually treated so well.

Charles Sobhraj is regarded as one of the most notorious serial killers of the 20th century but his Indian prison cell is luxurious compared to others. He has two mobile phones, satellite TV and a private cook. Now he wants an e-mail connection.

Sobhraj has never been convicted of murder although the authorities suspect him of as many as 50 or 60 killings in the 1960s. He's spent nearly three decades in jail for passport forgeries and minor robberies.

Makers of the documentary Sobhraj: The Hippie Killer had "to bribe every leader of the prison administration" to get an interview with him. They learnt little more than they already knew about him. He even used the same words as in previous interviews.

Criminals, like ex-kings, have a way of keeping themselves to themselves.