WHY do you watch things like this? You only let them upset you," said my animated other half at the weekend.

Most of the family had gathered to discover what were the UK's 100 Best Cartoons (C4, Sunday). But they were soon doing Deputy Dawg (not included) double takes as it sank in we were following what appeared to be one person's strange agenda.

Having Secret Squirrel-style restricted on-line voters to 105 nominees - instead of offering email or website voting on the hundreds of animated heroes available - the final line-up looked like something that Bucky O'Hare defeated in combat.

"Where's Hey Arnold, Doug, Thomas the Tank Engine, the Care Bears and Batman? Didn't they win awards?" said one watcher.

"Where's Dogtanian and Cities Of Gold?" piped up another misguided individual.

"How can you possibly judge Disney films against small-screen TV cartoons and who the hell is Queer Duck?" (No 94, apparently), said my wife as an example of a "top choice" which has never been seen on mainstream TV.

Worst was to come. Thankfully our moggies were slumbering like Bagpuss during the pornographic adventures of Fritz The Cat (No 56) and Legend Of The Overfiend (No 72).

The biggest clanger was the omission of The Clangers, recently voted one of the UK's all-time favourites.

"Oh, why can't the BBC take over and run these things properly," said my Watch With Mother expert who, like me, was beginning to realise that the 100 best had actually been selected by Looney Tunes' Tasmanian Devil.

The one predictable choice was The Simpsons at No 1 followed by Tom and Jerry, but C4 still had to behave like Duckula and force the far less popular South Park and Family Guy in the top five. Aren't they C4 programmes as well?

Having sat through everything from Marine Boy - which in 1969 was way ahead of C4's claim that Battle Of The Planets was the UK's first Japanese anime series - and Pogle's Wood to Lilo And Stitch it looks like none of us were going to be over the Button Moon.

After saying that, when C4 got its teeth into Jamie's School Dinners (Wed) the result is a yabba-dabba-do.

"I was never allowed to have three chocolate biscuits in my lunchbox," grumbled my youngest, as the unsavoury eating habits of Peterlee's Eden Community Primary School were shown by Jamie Oliver.

Facing the prospect of having to provide meals at 37p a head, it was hardly surprising to discover that wholesome ingredients lost out to the infamous twizzler (at least 30 per cent turkey) and chips.

Apparently, we "the customers", as parents and schools, demand this level of cheapo nutrition from the food suppliers.

Jamie also found that Northern children can't tell the region's famous leek from a Kiwi fruit and are informed about food by mums who don't know one end of an avocado from another.

Perhaps the next crop of cartoon characters can be out to save the world from menacing diets, because Jamie's going to need more than a magic torch to switch young diners from chips to carrots.

Published: 05/03/2005