He Says, She Says (BBC2)

Ant And Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway (ITV1)

Comedienne Jenny Eclair demands a lot from her men. She likes a man "to look like a man, walk nearest the street, open the door for her, pay at the end of the meal, look good in a hat and rescue a pregnant cow from a river".

Most of that is obtainable - although the bit about the cow worries me a little - but, of course, it's not really that simple. Men and women are different creatures. They live on the same planet but are doomed to misunderstand each other.

He Says, She Says tries to identify the differences without actually suggesting how they can be reconciled. But, like a lot of things, it's fun while it lasts.

Eclair pointed out that men say one thing but mean another. They might declare that they like women with a sense of humour, intelligence and looks but what they mean is does she give good oral sex.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is less demanding in her requirements of a male companion. "My ideal man hangs out in sweat pants and cashmere," she said, without specifying what precisely should be hanging out.

Men, it was suggested, can't look at a woman without sizing up the sexual possibilities. This was one of many comments that would've been met with nods of agreement by half the viewers and red faces of shame by the others.

Who can deny that the TV remote control belongs in the hand of a man, or that men can't find things that have been in the same place in the house for years but can locate a topless women on the beach? A woman may say nothing all day but starts chatting when your favourite show comes on TV. And it's a given fact that women can't read maps or drive cars - and certainly not do both at the same time.

Perhaps Clive James offered the best advice to men for coming out on top in the battle of the sexes: "If she's brilliant, tell her she's lovely; if she's lovely, tell her she's brilliant; and if she's perfect, draw attention to her defects. I'm told that works with Michelle Pfeiffer."

Politicians are a different breed altogether. I'm sure that Tony Blair's interrogation by Little Ant and Little Dec on Ant And Dec's Saturday Takeaway had nothing to do with the forthcoming general election, although someone should have pointed out that the Newcastle cheeky chappies are too young to vote.

Reviewing my notes on the quizzing of the Prime Minister, I was surprised to see how little he gave away. He replied with a simple "No" to several questions and "I can't answer that one" to another. He also dodged the one about Turkey Twizzlers by talking of his dislike of semolina and tapioca with jam.

The Little ones bought presents for wife Cherie - flowers, chocolates, pink feather boa and union jack knickers - to mark the Blairs' silver wedding and unwittingly sparked off a He Says, She Says type conflict.

When Cherie popped her head round the door to say hello to the boys, the talk turned to reading. She told them: "I like cuddling up with a book."

Her husband was not impressed. "That's what 25 years of marriage does for you," he said.