I can honestly say that getting older has never bothered me; after all, ‘you’re only as old as you feel’ and people keep telling me fifty is the new forty.

Imagine my surprise then when I got in from work the other day and my wife Diane told me there was some post for me.

Nothing unusual about that, except she had a big grin on her face, which meant one of two things; either we’d had a big win on the premium bonds or she’d served me with divorce papers!

BUT NO! It was a letter - addressed to me - from Help the Aged!

“It can’t be for me” I protested “I’m only JUST turned fifty!”

Sure enough, it was. A letter inviting me to apply for a pre-paid funeral plan!

My daughter Leanne just fell about laughing, but never the less thought it was an excellent idea. I wonder why?

Anyway, it went straight in the bin with the other junk mail and I dived into the shower; just in case I smelled of cabbage!!

So what lies ahead? Offers from Stenna stair lifts, Sarga holidays or even an invite to live in some cosy retirement home complete with ‘bingo’ on a Wednesday night!

Nah, my wife keeps telling me to grow up; don’t think I’ll bother!!