Just returned from a week in Cyprus and by coincidence I received this e-mail from Ally (The Duke) Milroy.

We’ve all met people like this on holiday, and as Duke pointed out; “Tupperisems are catching!”

English people travelling abroad.....complaints about foreign travel.

This was sent from Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some of the guests' complaints during the season. (Survey by Thomas Cook and ABTA).

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts".

"You should have told us there are no fish and chip shops in China ".

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned".

"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all".

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels".

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy".

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women".

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake".

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled".

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home".

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller".

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at this accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - are you sure we can stay there?"

(Just to say, ‘I think these girls work for me!!’).

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners".

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning".

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel".

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite".

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked".

You couldn’t make it up!