FOOTBALLERS always stand up to be counted and sit down to talk. Whether they stand or sit when taking a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror while rolling up their sleeves is not specified.

Alan Shearer, who is wellversed in this kind of claptrap, has promised he will be sitting down with Kevin Keegan in the next couple of days. Doubtless they will say they need to discuss the way forward when what they really mean is that they would like to turn back the clock to the heady days when they were first united at Newcastle.

Entertainment was the name of the game, and it has been one of the sadder sights in football to see Keegan's bubbly personality slowly draining away to the point where he looked tired and disillusioned in his final days at Manchester City.

If football can do that to a likeable character he ought to stay out of it, but for those who are hooked the drug is almost impossible to kick and it is going to be extremely interesting to see whether Shearer can resist the temptation.

With his television work, and ambassadorial jaunts such as the one to Uganda he has just undertaken, he doesn't need to put his reputation on the line by becoming a manager. But the chance to be groomed for a position which might allow him to become an even bigger hero to the Geordie faithful might prove irresistible. Or he might simply feel he'd be letting them down if he didn't have a go.

He has also been linked with the Southampton job, but that's surely pie in the sky. It would be a huge snub to the Newcastle public if he headed south, as well as to Keegan. The cynical view might be that the olive branch offered by Wor Kev following their 18-month estrangement will offer Keegan an escape route when he walks away and says: "It's all yours." But that might not be a bad thing.

HAVING been usurped by the Welsh upstarts in their bid for an Ashes Test next year, Durham could have expected to be handed the sop of one of the two Tests against Zimbabwe. But Robert Mugabe's representatives will not be coming, the only doubt being whether our government deny them visas or leave the ECB to do their own dirty work and risk a fine from the International Cricket Council.

If Gordon Brown's pussyfooters abandon the habits of a lifetime and get tough they apparently fear a backlash in the shape of an African boycott of the 2012 Olympics.

They should cross that bridge, if it exists, a bit nearer the time and act now to allow the ECB to arrange an alternative warm-up for the 2009 Ashes. Sadly for Durham it will probably involve Bangladesh, so Riverside can expect another two-day Test match after being awarded only a one-day international and a Twenty20 match this year.

WITH so much one-sided Test cricket going on, how heartening it is to see Sachin Tendulkar bringing all his class to bear on the riveting series between Australia and India. Most of the world will hope that the visitors square the series and give the sledging Aussies their comeuppance for their hypocritical bleating about Harbhajan Singh calling Andrew Symonds a monkey. It was perceived as a racial slur, although with his dreadlocks and white lips Symonds looks as though he could swing through the trees as effectively as he swings the willow.

BRIAN Ashton's selection in the backs for the opening Six Nations match against Wales next weekend will be hugely interesting. Despite all the hype about Wasps' Danny Cipriani, the fact that Ashton is only on a one-year rolling contract will persuade him to put results before long-term planning so he will have to stand by Jonny Wilkinson at fly half.

But god forbid that he goes for the old plodder Mike Tindall at centre, where the most exciting combination would be Wilkinson's Falcons team-mates, Toby Flood and Mathew Tait.

Ashton will probably see that as too big a gamble and could opt for the greater experience and defensive solidity of another Newcastle man, Jamie Noon.

Tait, of course, could play at full back, although Ashton appears prepared to overlook the fact that Iain Balshaw rarely finishes a game.

Whatever the selection, the Falcons will be without four star backs and it doesn't bode well for the their chances of maintaining their recent impressive form.

FINALLY for a piece of shameless plagiarism, but it's too good a story not to be repeated. In any case, someone might be able to tell us the identity of the local teacher involved.

John Inverdale told this week how two rival clubs outside Nairobi in the 1980s were renamed by visiting teachers from Germany and England. Both persuaded the village elders to name their sides after the best team in the world, which is how West Germany came to play Darlington. Anyone know who the Quakers fan was?