Why on Tuesday night did Channel 4 issue a warning about swearing ahead of Gordon Ramsay's F Word, but fail to before the next show, Virgin School, which featured a 26-year-old skinny bloke getting very friendly with a couple of Dutch grannies?

Obviously I would still have watched. It would just have given me more time to set the video recorder.

Regular readers (hello mum) will be aware that the boys have a wind problem. The youngest and most prolific bottom burper told his teacher the other day that he didn't finish his home reading book because he was "pumping too much".

The night before he was told to read his book, but while standing reading with his back to the radiator, he farted. This caused the radiator to rattle, which left him crying with laughter.

By the time he had calmed down, it was bed time. Not sure what the teachers response was, but I'm guessing he wont ever be invited to sit on her lap.

We're all off on holiday soon. For reasons that I won't bore you with, we haven't told the boys where we're going. Instead, we've said we are off to Timbuktu. This seemed quite funny until the oldest Googled it. Apparently it's somewhere in Africa. The boys are now expecting to see lions, elephants and giraffes. Although it's no Skeggy, the rolling vineyards and numerous châteaux of the Loire Valley could well be a disappointment.