Car Torque ... with comedian Simon Evans

WHAT was your first car?

The first car I really owned was a Peugeot 205, G reg, which was a company perk. Navy blue, small engine, certainly not GTi. Very unexciting, but mine. It was my realisation that I was enjoying having a company car that led me to resign and fly to Karachi to go travelling for a year.

HOW many times did it take to pass your driving test?

I failed once at the age of 17 or 18 after lessons with an ex Army instructor who liked to tell me implausible stories about female clients that were straight out of ‘Confessions Of…’. I didn't attempt it again for another five years I think. I couldn't afford to run a car at college anyway. I took an intensive week-long course and passed. Best way to learn. This was pre-theory test of course.

WHO would be your ideal passenger and where would you like to go?

I have an old mate called Ross who I don't see nearly enough of these days. We used to go hitch-hiking through Europe together, utterly broke and smoking the cheapest cigarettes Yugoslavia had to offer to suppress the hunger. I'd love to retrace some of our old European adventures, but with our own wheels and credit cards.

WHAT is your dream car?

I saw a classic AC Cobra the other day, parked up, top down, and that paintwork that looks a bit like an Adidas trainer, but with two stripes. Never fails to bring a lump to the throat. One day...

HOW would you describe your driving style?

Well, I like to think I'm relaxed, if occasionally impetuous, but pretty much everyone who knows me thinks I'm an appalling driver, rarely slowing enough into corners, taking on inadequate gaps etc. I do seem to make people nervous.

TELL me one driving anecdote from your past?

Hitchhiking many years ago I got a lift from a car whose driver was clearly on the verge of nodding off. I offered to drive, even though I didn't have my licence. He agreed. He asked me to keep an eye on the petrol gauge which I did, then fell asleep. After about two hours the petrol hadn't gone down, but the car shuddered to a halt. He woke up. I showed him the gauge. "No", he said. "That's the oil gauge." We pushed the car into a lay-by and both got out, but I left my rucksack behind. We went off to get petrol in a can, but I ducked into a shop to get cigarettes and when I came out he'd gone. I went back to the car, but he never came back. After two hours, I flagged down a police car to explain that my rucksack was locked in the car. They radioed in the number plate and the car was stolen. They agreed to break into it on my behalf and I went on my way. I went past the car in that same spot maybe three months later, still sit there. An old Hillman Avenger. If I'd been stopped driving the stolen car without a licence, my life might have turned out very differently. I was studying law at the time, too.

WHAT is playing on your in-car iPod or CD player or which radio station are you listening to?

I listen to a lot of classical music in the car, mainly to annoy my children. I like to listen to the same thing over and over again. Or at least that's what I do. This year I've also listened to Ryan Adams ‘Ashes and Fire’ a great deal, and Led Zep's ‘Celebration Day’.

WHAT do you drive now and why?

I drive a ten-year-old Mercedes E320, which I've had for five years. The idea was high cost set off by reliability, although I have to admit it could have been more reliable. The wing mirrors in particular have an annoying habit of snapping off when you smack them into the side of a truck. They cost more than £200 to replace and nearly a tenner in gaffer tape between replacements. But it does have smooth ride and I feel safe when I doze on the motorway.